Tuesday, July 20, 2010


"I bleed my heart out on this paper for you so you can see what I can't say. I'm dying here, cause I can't say what I want to. I bleed my heart out just for you..."

I like words.

I like the way the letters make up the word. I like the definition, the meaning behind what we say and why we say it. I like the root of how the word came into existence. I like that a single word can have several meanings... or only one.

I like quotes, phrases, and sayings.

I like how words can be put together in such a way that people are inspired. Maybe a saying can cause you to action, or simply to feel as if you are not alone. I like how a quote can make my whole day better or even move me to tears.

I like to write.

There is something very sacred about writing. Writing with purpose, intent, and passion. Something that goes quite a bit deeper then simple putting words together to form a sentence, a paragraph, a page...

Writing gives me the opportunity to say the things that so many times I wish I could speak. I believe that there are many things that can never be properly expressed through conversation. Things such as poetry or lyrics. Its much deeper in written word than it will ever be spoken.

Then again, I believe that are even some things that a written word can not convey.

I was listening to Bleed by Hot Chelle Rae today, and I started thinking about the sincerity of things that cannot be conveyed through spoken words.

I believe love, cannot simply be spoken, but rather must be shown.

Someone can tell you they love you all day long, but unless you see proof of their proclamation, it will never be believed.

I started to think about Jesus, in the garden the night of his arrest. As he prayed, begged, pleaded with God for any other way...

But God knew that we as humans would not comprehend His love in his spoken words, we needed to see... we needed an example.... we needed his blood.

Because countless lovers have sworn to lay down their lives for one another, but how many are actually called to do it.

Jesus came to the earth for the sole purpose of dying for us.

Jesus bleed to death to show us the things that he would never be able to say with his lips.

How many other religions can say that their "god" was willing to go to such lengths to prove his love.


As I listened to this song I imagined Jesus with his disciples trying to explain to them why he had to go... why he had to die.

I imagined him on the cross looking the crowd in the eyes, and uttering a simple phrase...

I bleed my heart out just for you...

Monday, July 5, 2010

Can you feel it now?

"And its a sad picture, the final blow hits you. Somebody else gets what you wanted again. You know its all the same, another time another place, repeating History and your getting sick of it...
These things will change, can you feel it now?"

If your not happy fix it. If you don't like the way things are going change it. If you want something more, then by golly, get up off your rear and go get it.

Easy to say, less easy to do.

Because you see, sometimes those things we need to fix, are things that we aren't quite sure how to. Or they are things that aren't quick fixes, and while we attempt, we rapidly get worn out in the pursuit.

And the things that need to change, well, while these things may no longer make us happy, they have become rather comfortable and familiar. Maybe no longer exciting or special, but its something. And many would argue that something bland is better than nothing special.

Then mostly, those things we want, after chasing them for so long, still feel just out of reach, and a million miles away all at the same time.

It seems that in life we are constantly searching for happiness, but sometimes its not a specific something. It doesn't boil down to one simple change or decision, but rather a culmination of a multitude of decisions.

And I believe its completely possible to be unhappy, but happy all at the same time. Because while one part of your life may be lacking, there is nothing to say you can't be completely fulfilled in a different area.

It seems that there are many things in my life that I would like to change, an I honestly believe it would make me happier. However there is something inside of me that just isn't ready to let go.

And It ALWAYS seems that just as I get the very thing I want within reach, someone comes along and launches it in the other direction.

I get rather tired of being unhappy when I am.

Its not a fun place to be.

But regardless of my current circumstances, I believe that happiness is more than just a word. I believe its a state of mind as well as an attitude.

I believe that being truly happy is not dependent upon your circumstances. I believe that real happiness looks past the imperfections.

I know that the things that I am going through are gonna change, I can feel it in my bones. And even though these things have brought along some temporary grief and unhappiness, I refuse to wallow in that.

I choose to focus on the amazing things in my life. I choose to believe in God's promises for my life. I choose happiness.

Afterall, its a lot more fun to smile :)

What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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