Thursday, September 2, 2010

Its been a while...

Lately I have felt kinda like the creative switch has been turned off, and I haven't quite been able to locate it.


For a writer, this is extremely frustrating!



For one, writing is how I deal, its how I figure out my life, its how I make decisions, and even how I realize how stupid I am for acting or feeling the way I do...



I haven't only been neglecting my blog, but also my personal journal



Yes I have a journal, but its not like "Dear Diary, John smiled at me today, sigh.."



Its more about things I learn about myself, things I learn about God or things he reveals to me, things I learn through other people, inspirations... mostly stuff a little too intimate or private to be posting on the world wide web...



I kinda feel as if not only my creativity has been shut off but also my access to God...



Not that I believe that God isn't listening, he just seems pretty far away...



I even cried my eyes out a few weeks ago at church... and I am not a big crier...



Its hard for me when I don't feel God and I don't feel that creativity the He inspires..



If you want creativity, spend time with the creator



And honestly I have been trying so hard to have that quality time with just me and God.



However, despite my current attempts, it seems I have a bad connection.



Now, I am not one to start casting blame when things like this happens, even though I am most likely partly to blame...



But I truly believe that sometimes we go through these "valleys" or dark spots to test our faithfulness and our character.



I think God wants to know how we will react when its not as easy to sense him.



Will we push forward and courageously fight until we find our way back, or will we surrender and retreat?



Life is easy when God is right there, and we feel and hear him every step of the way.



But what about when he is whispering, or even still when he is silent...



God has big plans for me, and I know that these things that I am dealing with are just bumps that are going to grow me into the person He desires for me to be.



So I know its been a while, but its time to push past my insecurities and find that creativity I have been lacking.



Because the truth is, it isn't just gonna fall in your lap.



You gotta work hard and persevere to continuously change and grow.



So stop waiting for it feel right or better or like it used to. Start right now, whatever is you've been putting off for a time when you feel more up to it.



Because right now, its not about how you feel. Its about how you react to how you feel.



The decisions that we make in these dark time, are the ones that could possibly change the course of our lives.




Cause I've gone long enough waiting for wonderful...





2 comments:

  1. Very true girlfriend! Love u and praying for u!! Heidi

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love it paige! I absolutely love reading stuff you write

    ReplyDelete

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