Friday, October 29, 2010

Even if

I will remain confident in this I will see the goodness of the Lord...

I had an amazing conversation with an amazing girl... who just so happens to live entirely too far away.

This conversation which outlined each others hopes and fear and dreams and shortcomings... my friend reminded of some pretty important things.

Because you see, I am in a place right now where I want things, things for myself, things for my life, things for others... and some of these things I want more than just about anything. My friend seems to be in the same boat...

However, she began talking to me about how she wanted to be so lost in Jesus, that even if things didn't turn out the way she hoped, it was OK, because her confidence was in the Lord.

While I saw this statement as extremely mature and profound, it was hard to warp my mind around it.

I don't see myself as a selfish person, and not that I think I deserve anything, but I don't want to let go of the things I want..

And honestly I have been driving myself absolutely insane over the possibilities and what ifs...

I don't want these decisions and this next period of my life to make or break me.

I want to to be so confident in Christ and so content that it doesn't matter if I get the things I want... now or ever...

"Whether he does, or whether He doesn't He is still God"

God is God regardless of any good or bad thing that happens in my life.

Its like in the Bible when the three men were thrown into the fire... they had total and complete confidence that God was going to save them. But the most powerful part of this whole scripture is the part where it says "even if He doesn't.."

They had so much faith that even if God didn't save them from a slow and painful death, they were willing..

Because the truth is, even if I never received another blessing another good thing and even if my whole world came crashing down, God has already done more than enough.

"I don't need nothing to love you stronger I don't need nothing to love you more.."

I am struggling, because its hard for me to see past the now. Its hard for me to be confident at the moment. But this is what I am working towards.

I have to stop driving myself crazy with all the analyzing and questions, and realize God knows what is best for me...

I feel like a lot of times I look utterly ridiculous to God. I feel like the kid throwing a fit in the middle of Wal-Mart while everyone is wishing someone would straighten me out... I feel like God just laughs at me...

Because while I'm throwing a fit over what I want, God is trying to help me to realize just what He has for me. And I know its going to be better than anything I can think up on my own...

Because faith isn't faith until its all your holding on to...

"Even if the stars fell like rain
Even if tomorrow never came
Even if the world I know should crumble
Nothing's gonna stand in my way
Even if the sun left the sky
And even if these tears never dry
Even if the mountains fall and tumble
If what's left of me is taken I will not be shaken"

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Grab your running shoes

Moral #1: If you work hard, stay focused, and never give up, you will eventually get what you want in life.
Moral #2: Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us...

When I was younger, all I wanted to be was an actress. My friend Ashley and I would always pretend like we were Mary-Kate and Ashley (we would always fight over who got to be Mary-Kate).

I would envision myself in movies starring alongside Hollywood's finest. I could see myself giving my acceptance speech at the Teen Choice awards... I thought fame was all I really wanted.

Now, amidst all the Lindsey Lohan's and Brittney Spears' of our day, I can see how fame might not be all its cracked up to be.

In hindsight, I've probably wanted a lot of things that weren't in my best interest. Things that could have been the end of me...

But how do you decipher? How do you know the things that don't just sound good now, but will actually be good in the future? The things that won't put out your fire, but give it reason to burn brighter...

I guess I am in a place where its hard to see past right now. I know what I don't want, and I suppose that's a step in the right direction...

And I feel like I know what I do want, but even then... is this best for me? Or even if it is what I want, does what I want also want me?

I am a girl... an analytical girl... and I have the tendency to get an idea in my head, and run with it. I envision how things could play out, work out, turn out...

Could these desires be everything I ever hoped and dreamed? Or is this simply my flesh clouding up my current purpose?

Can I tell you what I want?

I want to live out my passion.

I want to help people who feel scared, or trapped, or broken, or lonely...

I want to encourage people to follow their dreams and support them in every way that I can.

I want to be a role model to younger girls that you don't have to act/dress/look a certain way to attract a guy, but simply be the you that God created you to be...

I want to encourage a generation to be so much more then the previous generation.

I want to raise up leaders who change the world...

I want to change the world...

And I want someone beside me...

I feel like my ambitions have changed drastically over the years, and I feel as if (most of them) aren't selfish and are pretty good things to want...

I don't want to spend my entire life waiting to live.

I don't want to feel like I have to wait until I find a husband or get out of college or become a "grown up" to start living.

"... and let us run with patience..."

That seems like such a contradiction to me. How can you be patient when you are running? Because when you are running, isn't it because you are trying to get somewhere in a hurry?

But I guess its because life isn't a sprint. Its not a quick short-burst of energy. Life is a marathon. Its a really long race... that takes practice, time and patience. It takes knowing when to pace yourself, knowing when you need to take those deep breaths (sighs). And knowing when its time to run with everything we have in ourselves.

Because the truth is, that so many of my dreams are being carried out right now. And it would be a terrible waste to look back and realize the opportunities I had missed.

Patience has never really been my thing. But I still feel as if so much of my life has been lost in waiting.

So I guess I gotta learn to balance. I have to learn when to wait and when to run. I have learn when to be patient, but how to keep moving forward. And probably most difficult, how to decipher Gods voice from my own or the possibility that they are one in the same... 

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that God has waiting for us...

Thursday, October 21, 2010


The world was not worthy of them... Hebrews 11:38

I've heard it said that people who make the biggest difference in our world, are those who think most often about the next...

What would it mean to be someone that the world didn't deserve. That the world was privileged, honored, and even completely unworthy of their existence.

Hebrews 11 lists numerous people that graced this undeserving world.

People who took chances, gave everything, risked their lives, gave their lives...

I believe this scripture displays the ultimate example of being Christ Like. Because the world did not deserve Jesus...

Can you imagine, going down in history, having the privilege of being being placed in such a high place of honor. To be considered too good for this current world.

I once heard a man ask, "If the Bible was written today, would you be in it?"

It makes me question my impact... my commitment... my everything...

Have I given everything? Am I willing to take chances? Am I ready to give my life?

We often think of the people who were martyred... the people who literally give their lives in exchange for whats next... but we rarely think of those who live day in and day out for the kingdom.

"Dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory, or recognition. We live for what we believe."

I honestly don't know that I will ever have to face a martyrs death, but I would like to live a life that makes an impact... that changes the people around me... that changes the world...

Want to know the secret to accomplishing these things? The crux that everything else hinges upon?


By faith...

With faith...

The entire chapter of Hebrews 11 centers on faith... and it seems that nothing good or great was accomplished without it.

I want that faith. I want to move mountains...

I want to live what I believe. No questions, no compromise...

I want to be like Christ... 

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see...

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Happy Thoughts

Because with happy thoughts and little fairy dust, we can learn to fly...

I feel like sometimes I over analyze, contemplate, and even spill my guts to the point that people may mistake my melancholy moments as how I perceive the world.

I like to write. I like to write so that people, including myself, will know that they aren't alone in how they feel. That its OK to be broken, hurt, get angry, have convictions, act like a fool, laugh uncontrollably, and sometimes even cry...

But having said this, today, I am just happy, and I want to share with you some things that make me happy. I encourage you to make a list today of things that bring a smile to your face. Because I think that sometimes we get so caught up in life, that we forget to "stop and smell the roses" so to speak. So here are my happy thoughts (in no specific order):

Jesus, Ridiculously amazing Jesus moments, Ivan, Holy Fire/Unashamed/drama, My Fam Bam, Getting paid, Lazy days, my friends (BTW you are the most amazing people in the world, for serious), My sunroof LOUD music and singing, Boots and scarves, Laughing til it hurts, a new book, surprises, good movies, finishing a good book, writing, texts or tweets that make me smile.. or even a good cry, naps, sugar free red bull, birthdays (not just mine), Laffy Taffy jokes, creativity, seeing shooting stars, playing in the rain, getting my hair done, going for walks, deep conversations, quality time with people I love, hugs, Doing random stuff like carving pumpkins or making gingerbread houses, getting letters or cards, when someone recognizes me (makes me feel famous, lol), driving around aimlessly, my future, my dreams, my hopes...

I am sure there is a lot more, but honestly, this is more than enough to be thankful for, and to feel happy about. I don't want to take the little things for granted... even in my worst days, I want to look back at this list and be able to remember exactly how I feel right now...

So maybe your in the midst of the most terrible day of your life, we all have those days. Life isn't perfect, but we have the ability to choose joy over fear. Because despite the bad, the terrible, the ugly, the heart-wrenching... we all have something to be thankful for. If nothing else, the fact that Jesus Christ died for your sins, and loves you so deeply and so unconditionally...

So go, right now and make a list. Comment on my blog, on my facebook wall, tweet me things that make you happy. Share your list with someone... anyone. Because someone might need to be reminded that even in the dark times, life is good.

"I will remain confident in this I will see the goodness of the Lord"

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'm not a copy

"You were meant to grace the world with your dance"

Ever had an experience, a time in your life where you can point to... the moment it all changed?

The moment you decided you no longer to be who you were, and actually embraced a new self...

Last New Year's I was visiting a friend up north. I had the opportunity to attend an amazing worship service, which totall rocked my world.

I don't often sit and wait and hope that someone will come and pray with me... but for some reason I was begging God for the company. I wanted to know that someone understood or even knew what I was going through.

I began pouring out my heart to God, things that I had not yet even admitted to myself.

It wasn't long until a woman came and began prophesying over me....

Now understand, that while I have grown up in church, there is some church stuff that kinda freaks me out and I can be quite skeptical about. And to be honest, I was a little freaked when this woman started telling me all this stuff I had just been praying about...

I had felt abandoned and hurt and caged. I felt as if I wasn't free to by myself or even aspire to be the person God was calling me to be. I was afraid of what people thought, how I would look, what they might say...

I'm honestly not one of those people who doesn't care what people think... to a certain extent...

This womans word's sent instant chills down my spine... it had to be God.

The most memorable thing I can remember her saying is that she could see me dancing in a field of wild flowers. That she saw me a white cotton dress just spinning, without a care of who was watching or what people might think....

Now if you know me at all, you know that I am not really a dancer... but this vision of freedom that she explained to me was so breathtaking and enticing.

I don't want to be the person who holds back because of fear of hurt or failure. I want to laugh out loud, sing in my car, and dance when I feel the urge.

Because life isn't about living in perfect lines and following all the rules.

Life is about messing up, taking chances, and looking like a fool from time to time.

But those times when we go after things with our whole hearts, when we put our everything into something, when we refuse to back down, when we stop caring about everyone else's opinions, we we do things simply because its what we want... those are the times we will look back and feel most fulfilled.. most like ourselves.

So maybe I look foolish or maybe people won't like the things I do... but my desire is to follow God with my whole heart. I don't want to be anyone but who God wants me to be.

People often say you may be the next Bill Graham or the next Mother Theressa... well I am going to be the first Paige Carter...

I just want to challenge you and encourage you, to let go of whatever is holding you back.

Maybe its people in your life who never encourage you to pursue your dreams, but rather destroy your spirit.

Maybe its things that consistently get in the way.

Or maybe its yourself... your own fears and insecurties...
Start today... dream your dreams and pursue your goals. Live the life you've always imagined.
Because tomorrow never gets here, and today is all we have.
So lets all go out and dance in the rain... dance in the wild flowers... its time to be free...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Crazy little thing called loved

Above all else guard your heart, for it is your source of life. Proverbs 4:23

Its been a long time since I've blogged two days in a row... but when inspiration strikes...

I think we are pretty careless people.

We are careless with our actions, our thoughts, our words...

We rarely stop to think of the possible ramifications of the thinks that we say, think, feel, do...

I suppose we are most careless with our hearts.

Which is crazy, because the Bible specifically commands us to guard our hearts... and care for it first and foremost.

However, it seems as if I come in contact with people everyday who throw around the word love like its as normal as breathing.

I will be the first to say, I love people!

I have been blessed beyond belief with some of the most amazing men and women that I have the privilege of considering my friends.

My favorite times are the times when we all sit around after church and just talk and laugh. I love when we can sit around and make jokes and laugh until it hurts. And I love our deep conversations about books... about God... I LOVE these people, more than most of them probably know.

It seems, however, there is a complete lack of respect for the word in itself.

I believe that we are called to love, and love with our entire beings, but can we possibly feel the same way about food as we do about people?

Or how about these 13 year olds who jump from relationship to relationship proclaiming their love for the flavor of the week. Really, how many "soul mates" do you expect to find before you hit puberty?

Is this what we as a society consider guarding our hearts?

In my own life, I would like to say that guarding my own heart has been top priority, that more often than not, it was more of my lack of openness than my openness that left me with heartache...

But even still, I look back on how often I was careless with my own heart, my own love...

How quick I have been to forgive and forget, when wisdom told me to forgive and be cautious. Its easy to get caught up in love and forget the bad... at least for a while...

The stupidest mistake in life is to think the ones who have hurt you the most, won't hurt you again...

Its not about forgiveness, its about wisdom.

Its one thing to stop holding grudges, its another to act completely carelessly with no regard to previous transgressions.

This is where guarding my own heart gets tricky.

I have to learn a balance. Guard my heart against the people and things that have proven to cause heart ache, but learn to be open to the possibility of love...

Because you can't live your life completely guarded and you can't live it carelessly.

Living your life carelessly will certainly lead to the same pain over and over. While living your life completely guarded will be certain to lead to a very lonely existence.

Love and life, both take a certain amount of risk. Without risk, none of it would be worthwhile.

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Jesus why I'm hot...

She's got a love like whoa...
I've been studying a lot about love.
What it means to love God.
What it means to love myself.
What it means to love others...
Its been so interesting learning more about God's love and the way that He desires for me to love everyone.
I have discovered this phenomenon, which to explain I will have to give you a little back story.
I have a good friend that had a "crush" (if you will) on a very well-known preacher. I mean, I completely understood. He is a great speaker, good-looking... he seemed to have it all.
Earlier this year, we got the opportunity to meet this preacher, and he was everything she had hoped and more. However, much to her dismay, we also discovered on this trip that he was engaged.
I thought my friend was going to cry. Not because she was so in love with him, but because it seemed as if a little bit of the hope in her heart was crushed.
We ended up talking a random stranger about this, and she said "I understand, because you are attracted to the Jesus inside of him".
I havne't been able to quite let that statement go since.
Its true.
There are famous pastors or preachers or singers or speakers or leaders that maybe aren't the most physically attractive, but something about them is.
This is what I want more than anything.
I want to find something that goes so much deeper than skin. I want to look at someone and be attracted to the Jesus inside of them first and foremost.
Because the truth is, Jesus looks good on people.
I want someone who I am attracted to their heart and their passion. I want their words and encouragement and love for others and God be their best attributes. I desire these things far over anything physical.
And to be honest, there have been times when I have wanted to give up, or settle for something less.
But I am so thankful to have some great men in my life, that exhibit all this and more. And this is what gives me hope that one day its all gonna be worth the wait.
More than anything, I wish for someone to fall in love with the Jesus in me. I think the greatest compliment in the world would be for someone to be attracted to me for my love for God and others... my passion and desire to serve him... thats what I want.
Some days I feel like I'm failing, like maybe people can't even see the Jesus in me, let alone fall in love with him.
This is my daily desire, to show God through me, and serve him in everything that I do.
One day its all gonna work out, I have no doubts. I may get discouraged, but I know that if I am striving with my whole heart to serve God, then he will give me the desires of my heart.
"I will love you more than the ocean loves the rain. I will be your strength even in the pain. And our love will grow, every morning night and noon. Oh but until then, I will for someday soon..."

What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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