Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Grab your running shoes

Moral #1: If you work hard, stay focused, and never give up, you will eventually get what you want in life.
Moral #2: Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us...

When I was younger, all I wanted to be was an actress. My friend Ashley and I would always pretend like we were Mary-Kate and Ashley (we would always fight over who got to be Mary-Kate).

I would envision myself in movies starring alongside Hollywood's finest. I could see myself giving my acceptance speech at the Teen Choice awards... I thought fame was all I really wanted.

Now, amidst all the Lindsey Lohan's and Brittney Spears' of our day, I can see how fame might not be all its cracked up to be.

In hindsight, I've probably wanted a lot of things that weren't in my best interest. Things that could have been the end of me...

But how do you decipher? How do you know the things that don't just sound good now, but will actually be good in the future? The things that won't put out your fire, but give it reason to burn brighter...

I guess I am in a place where its hard to see past right now. I know what I don't want, and I suppose that's a step in the right direction...

And I feel like I know what I do want, but even then... is this best for me? Or even if it is what I want, does what I want also want me?

I am a girl... an analytical girl... and I have the tendency to get an idea in my head, and run with it. I envision how things could play out, work out, turn out...

Could these desires be everything I ever hoped and dreamed? Or is this simply my flesh clouding up my current purpose?

Can I tell you what I want?

I want to live out my passion.

I want to help people who feel scared, or trapped, or broken, or lonely...

I want to encourage people to follow their dreams and support them in every way that I can.

I want to be a role model to younger girls that you don't have to act/dress/look a certain way to attract a guy, but simply be the you that God created you to be...

I want to encourage a generation to be so much more then the previous generation.

I want to raise up leaders who change the world...

I want to change the world...

And I want someone beside me...

I feel like my ambitions have changed drastically over the years, and I feel as if (most of them) aren't selfish and are pretty good things to want...

I don't want to spend my entire life waiting to live.

I don't want to feel like I have to wait until I find a husband or get out of college or become a "grown up" to start living.

"... and let us run with patience..."

That seems like such a contradiction to me. How can you be patient when you are running? Because when you are running, isn't it because you are trying to get somewhere in a hurry?

But I guess its because life isn't a sprint. Its not a quick short-burst of energy. Life is a marathon. Its a really long race... that takes practice, time and patience. It takes knowing when to pace yourself, knowing when you need to take those deep breaths (sighs). And knowing when its time to run with everything we have in ourselves.

Because the truth is, that so many of my dreams are being carried out right now. And it would be a terrible waste to look back and realize the opportunities I had missed.

Patience has never really been my thing. But I still feel as if so much of my life has been lost in waiting.

So I guess I gotta learn to balance. I have to learn when to wait and when to run. I have learn when to be patient, but how to keep moving forward. And probably most difficult, how to decipher Gods voice from my own or the possibility that they are one in the same... 

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that God has waiting for us...

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What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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