Saturday, December 25, 2010

A Christmas Story

Love came down at Christmas...

We've all seen it.

Year after year, different places, different faces... but the content is basically the same.

The Nativity.

The sparkling angels

Mary glowing and perfect

The stable tidy and clean as all the animals watch in silence to welcome the birth of the Christ child.

I was thinking the other day about our representation of Jesus' birth.

I don't believe it was the beautiful, clean, serene, majestic scene we see at Christmas.

Child birth is messy and scary. 

Stables are typically smelly and dirty.

I think its so amazing that our Savior came in such a humble way, when He deserved so much more.

I think the point of Jesus coming as a child to be born in a stable was not simply to represent his humbleness and willingness.

It seems to be an incredible testament to the fact that He is willing to come down, into the middle of our mess.

Jesus isn't waiting for you to clean your life up before He can come in your life. 

He came into this imperfect world as a baby, in dirty stable to show us all that He doesn't need us to be clean first.

Jesus came to clean us up.

Christmas has been so amazing this year.

I honestly have so much to be thankful for. 

An amazing family that I love so much (with a new nephew or niece on the way, yay!!)

The best friends in the entire world. 

And an incredible Savior who didn't wait to offer His grace until I thought I deserved it. But knew I didn't deserve it, and offered it anyway. 

Because it isn't the gifts or the food that make this holiday so spectacular.
Its the family and the the friends and celebration of our Savior

So I know there is only a few hours left of Christmas, but if you haven't already, take the time to thank Jesus for all the blessings in your life, and for the sacrifice He gave.

It is Jesus' birthday after all, and I think the number one item on His wish list is for you to spend that quality time with Him.


"Christmas in Bethlehem. The ancient dream; the cold clear night made brilliant by a glorious star, the smell of incense, shepherds and wise men falling to their knees in adoration of the sweet baby, the incarnation of perfect love"

Monday, December 13, 2010

Frozen

"I don't have anything to write about anymore. My words have become boring and too plain for stories.."
-Parachute Musical

This is my fear. 

That one day all these words inside my head will simply dry up. 
No longer flow. Refuse to come out. Cease to exist...

That the words that I say or write will no longer inspire or encourage but simply be flat, boring, meaningless...

Not just to everyone else, but also to myself.

Because in all honesty, while I LOVE writing to ignite a spark in someone else... sometimes I write just for me. 

It scares me to think that one day I could sit down to write, only to have nothing of value to say. 

One of my dreams is to write a book... or books...

But sometimes I struggle to finish a few lines in a blog.

Sometimes I can't find the words to comfort a friend.

A lot of times, it comes out all wrong, or worse not at all.

I am afraid that I will sit down to begin something great, only to be unable to finish. 

My fear is that even if I do finish, this thing that I have built up in my mind to be great, turns out to be not so great...

My fear is that I will write something so completely honest and vulnerable only to have that sincerity scoffed at.

I heard a quote once that said "How vain is it to sit down to write, when you have not stood up to live."

Have I lived enough to write something of any worth? Or will my attempts be viewed as naive?

These are the thoughts that occupy my mind every time I start to write, and most times, I turn off my computer and walk away. 

I feel as if this fear keeps me frozen, unable to make any moves towards my dreams.


The only thing that keeps me going; that keeps me believing in myself is YOU. 

Its the amazing people that I am lucky enough to call my family and friends.

Its those of you who care enough to read EVERY blog I post, even when I post every single day. 

Its those of you who don't just read what I write, but text/comment to let me know that I have in some way encouraged you. 


Its those of you who promote the words that I say be encouraging someone else to read it. 

So basically what I am saying, is that I am nothing without you.

That words are simply words until someone can read it and take it to heart. 

That this blog that I write is meaningless unless someone somewhere is motivated to hope, love, change, try again, start over, jump, take a chance, forgive, be better...

So here I am, telling you that I am scared to death.

That pursuing this dream is one of the most challenging beginnings I have ever had to face.

But I am going to do it.

Not just for myself, but for you...

Because if I can't see past my fears and have courage, then I have no business telling you to.

So lets do it together. Whatever your dream may be.

Lets start today, even if its a small step...

Like telling someone your dream for the first time, or announcing to your entire world through a blog that you aren't going to let your fears hold you back.

Right now is all we have, and in the famous words of Emily Dickinson, Forever is composed of nows. 


If you gotta start somewhere why not here
If you gotta start sometime why not now
If we gotta start somewhere I say here
If we gotta stat sometime I say now

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Love is...

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me..."

Love is a friend who always pumps your gas, and who will hold your hair back when you're puking.

Love is sitting in a driveway talking til 2am in the summer.

Love interrupts your work day to have a "meeting".

Love knows your favorite things, like books and sugar free red bull.

Love reads every blog, quotes you, promotes you, encourages you and is always your biggest fan.

Love refrains from killing you when your being stupid.

Love always has your back.

Love tells you that you aren't crazy for falling for the boy, in fact love does their best to make it happen.

Love spends a whole evening making cupcakes for your birthday.

Love writes the best letters. 

Love drives across town, just to see you.

Love understands and doesn't judge.

Love is having the same best friend since you were 4.

Love talks about the ugly stuff and the uncomfortable stuff...

Love does its best to protect you and never wants to hurt you.

Love texts you at 3am, just because they are thinking about you.
Love stencils and uses puff paint with you.

Love lays in the freezing cold to stargaze.

Love puts you first.

Love knows your secrets and loves you anyways.

Love is being the "favorite".

Love argues with you about stupid stuff.

Love has the best hugs.

Love still calls you sweat pea and pumpkin even though you are 23.

Love lets you still sit in their lap.

Love lets you win.

Love always reminds you that you are loved.

Love is an amazing Savior.

I am so blessed to have so many people in my life to love, and so many people who love me. Love is all around us. So whatever love is to you, I hope today you feel loved and I hope that you are inspired to love others. Its the little things that we do for other people that can change their lives...

 1 If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 2If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. 3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
11When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
13But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Contemplation

September 2nd, 2009

If you know me well, you know I'm a dreamer, a bit of a deep thinker if you will.


This may or may not translate through my words, or my appearance, but I tend to spend a lot of time in contemplation. Tonight, while I was supposed to be doing my homework, I began to think about my life.

The good things and the bad.

Where I am, where I am headed.

The things I wouldn't change for the world and the things that I pray to God will change soon.

To some this may sound odd, but this is where I find my head lately. And before long, the questions begin to stir around.

The what ifs? the what would'ves? and the how could yous?

All start into a spiral of wondering.

Did I make the right decisions? Am I a good enough? Can you forgive yourself? Can you move on? What is next? Why are you upset? Why them and not me? What is wrong?

are you happy?

Thats the big one, because to be completely honest, I feel a bit selfish for ever even asking myself that question. I have so many blessings and wonderful things in my life, that I would be crazy to not be happy.

But yet I find myself in this state of confusion. Its my curse of over-analyzing, a trait I received from my mother I am pretty certain.

Its more than just simple superficial things I wish that I could chage, because Lord knows there are a bunch of those.

I feel as if the answers to my questions, the end to my wondering are all wrapped up in one big life-changing decision. Like in one instant all my worries and fears can be fixed...

when in reality, it will probably take a million different small moments... I am not good at waiting.

Patience is something I don't pray for, because I really don't want the tests and trials that come along with it.

The future scares the heck out of me.

Because sometimes I just want to know that i've made the right decisions, that my life is making a difference, that there is something more to come.

And i know with all my heart that God's hands are holding tight to my future, so its silly for me to ever worry... but I worry still.

A couple of weeks ago I was kinda depressed about some situations, and I was talking to my mom. I was trying to understand why people act or do what they do. My mom, who I honestly believe is the smartest woman alive, told me to focus on myself. Make sure that my life is in line, and that I am doing the things that God wants me to do.

It sounds simple, but oh so hard sometimes.

I want so much more that just ok.

I want passion and change and love and hope and courage and something wonderful.

So here is my declartion that I am tired of simplicity and average and normal.

I want extaordinary and indescribable.

My life WILL make a difference. My words will change lives. My heart will be open to love. And my feet willing to go wherever the Lord leads.

So, as far as the past goes, the questions the wondering, I can't change it. I have to believe in the decisions that I have made, and trust that I am still on the path that God created for me.

The future is coming whether we like it or not. So I guess its time to stop fearing. Start living for now. Take life by the horns. Fight with your whole heart, and never give up. Its going to be amazing...


"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive"

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Pursuit of Happiness


August 24th, 2008

I wasn't built for this. I was created a little differently I suppose.

I am sure there are more of my kind out there… but I feel they are too afraid to expose themselves. We are seen as traditional, conservative, unrealistic… We are the few who have not given up on our knights in shinning armor.


Not to say that we have never wandered, or been tempted to settle for less. We have spent years trying to become what we have been told we should be.


We have been told that chivalry is dead, and that prince charming will never come. We have been told lie after lie, and so many have chosen to believe it.


We have adapted to "Today's Standards" of how a woman should act. "Don't be too fat, or too thin. Too dark or too light. Don't be too sexual or too chaste. Too smart or too dumb. Be yourself, but make sure you fit in."


We are told not to wait for "the one", but to find him. To track him, and hunt him down. We are told that if he won't pursue you, then you must pursue him.


It's the 21st Century after all. Ever wonder why in all the fairy tales, you never see Cinderella searching the entire kingdom for a prince, or Sleeping Beauty fighting the dragon? Cause that is not the way its supposed to be.


I am tired of chasing after this thing called happiness. I am tired of being the "guy".


I was created to be pursued, romanced, and swept off my feet. I need a little more of that in my life.


For the first time… I'm going to let happiness find me.




Saturday, December 4, 2010

Ramblings on nearsightedness

September 3rd, 2008

They say love is blind. Then is it possible that trust is a little nearsighted?
Nearsighted: Unable to see distant objects clearly.
I don't suppose that I am worried about right now. Granted… this isn't easy. I guess my problem lies in what is to come.
 Not that I don't have faith… Because I know that it's going to be everything I hoped for and more. Isn't that faith? The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. 

But does that mean we should ignore it? Become blissfully unaware of the future that is coming? Faith is an amazingly, beautiful, wonderfully complex thing.  Faith is good… I would even say vital to living your life to its fullest potential.
But is it an excuse? It has been mine. Life is hard. It forces us to fight, decide, love, let go, push through, move on, take chances, and risk everything.
Faith is imperative. So, instead  of fighting, deciding, loving, letting go, pushing through, moving on, taking chances, risking everything… we wait. We "put our faith in God" and now, we feel as if we must wait for the clouds to open, and the answers to be written in the sky.

That isn't faith. There are circumstances, when God will ask you to wait. But this waiting is not a spiritual vacation. It isn't lying by the pool, or twiddling you thumbs; because faith is an action.
 If you are truly faithful, this waiting will be an opportunity. To serve God, to love others, to give of yourself. Because, contrary to popular belief, the world does not revolve around you, or me for that matter… I believe, that many times, God is just waiting to see if we will take that first step, whatever that may be.
Maybe it's letting go of something or someone. Maybe it's finding the strength. Or maybe it's as simple as getting involved. We spend so much time waiting, when God is hoping we will move.
God's timing is not about time, not how we think of time anyways. God's timing has more to do with the conditions of our own lives. Our level of faith, our willingness, our strength, and possibly our weakness… So you see, Faith is essentially not the problem.
  • The problem, I fear, is me. The problem is my inability to make the right decision, or even an adequate one. I fear that I am nearsighted.  What happens when right now, becomes yesterday, and tomorrow becomes today?
    Things seem so complicated… I don't feel as if I can see very clearly. And I don't want to be blind and oblivious to what is going on around me. I guess my problem is more of an issue of patience and wisdom, rather than faith. I want all the answers now, and I know that my decision making ability is lacking in wisdom. I
    f any of you lack wisdom, let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavers is like a wave of the sea, driven by the wind and tossed.
    My life, it's pretty good. I have never questioned if I was loved. The hurt and the pain that I have experienced… has healed overtime. I am blessed.
    Maybe, I'm not meant to see the indistinguishable. Not right now anyways.
    This could possibly be my chance to live out my faith. No, I definitely do not have it all together… not even close.
    But maybe, those trials and imperfections, are what makes  this crazy life so beautiful.


Thursday, December 2, 2010

He knows my name...

The greatest desire of mankind is to be known completely, and to be loved not just in spite, but because of who we are...

I was thinking today about the dating process. About how every single person wants to put their best foot forward when entering a possible relationship. The result is that most people put on a show... well maybe that's not the right way to put it. Not that most people lie about who they are, but rather they hide the things in their lives that aren't so pretty so as to seem more appealing.

We are all guilty of packing our dating resume, because there is something inside of us warning that if they only knew...

I think its a beautiful thing to have someone that you can be completely honest with. That you can share the good, the bad, and the ugly with.

Someone who knows your secrets, your heartache, your failures, your past, your dreams, your wishes...

Someone who is constantly in pursuit of knowing you even better than the day before.

Someone who loves you... the imperfections, the flaws,the mistakes, because those less than perfect things are part of what makes you who you are...

Isn't that what we all want anyways? Someone who knows our deepest darkest secrets, who knows our biggest aspirations and loves us... period.

I find it amazing that we serve a God who desires to know us in this way. A God who pursues you in such a passionate and intimate way that He truly knows EVERYTHING about you and STILL loves you.

He knows you've messed up, and while its painful for Him, there is nothing that you can do that can separate you from His love.

Psalm 139:1-4
God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.

Isaiah 43:1
...I have called you by name; you are mine.

Isaiah 49:16
I have inscribed you in the palm of my hands...

Luke 12:7
And the very hairs on your head are all numbered...

Galatians 4:9
But now that you know God, or rather have been known by God...


He knows you and He loves you... end of story :)


"I have a Maker
He Formed My Heart
before even time began
my life was in hands
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and hears me when I call"





What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.

 


Paigerific
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