Monday, April 18, 2011

Wrap me in Your arms

God is our refuge and strength an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth be removed...

Ever felt like the world was literally crashing down around you?
Something happens and suddenly nothing is the way it used to be.
Something like the man you were sure you were gonna marry decides not to love you anymore.
Or you make a terrible mistake and you can never take it back.
Or maybe the doctor told you or your loved one news that is simply unbearable. 
Its like your world starts to fall apart, starting with your heart.
I don't cry often, but last Thursday was an exception.
Because you see all the "God has it under control" and "just have faith" cliches don't really mean a whole lot when its your situation.
This is MY life... and MY heartache...
There is a God who loves me, who wraps me in His arms...
Because you see, no one has the perfect words to fix it.
No one can say anything I don't already know.
I have faith.
I know God is control.
I trust that He will give me the strength I need to endure any situation that comes my way...
It still sucks.
The most amazing thing is, is that we have a God who knows exactly how we feel.
He experienced what it felt like to be alone and hopeless and afraid.
And he knows that some days there are no words that will bring comfort to our hearts.
That's why we have a God who will simply wrap us in his arms.
I believe God can speak to us, in a variety of ways.
But I believe He knows that many times words aren't what we need.
When we are afraid or hurt or even broken beyond repair, He is holding you.
You don't have to be strong.
You don't have to have it all together.
Its OK to cry and be angry.
And its OK if you don't cry as well.
Because however you need to deal, know you aren't alone.
Know that there is a God who is passionately and irrevocably in love with you.
And on days when your heart is torn, he will be right there to help you pick up the pieces.

Friday, April 8, 2011

You hold me now

All that I know is I'm breathing, all I can do is keep breathing...

I am far from perfect. Which is astoundingly hard for me to admit.

Ive messed up, made mistakes, sinned far more than I would ever like to own up to.

Owning up to the mistakes Ive made has been one of the hardest things I have had to do.

Ive reasoned with myself that it wasn't that bad. I talked myself in to believing it didn't happen. I convinced myself to repress the thoughts and feeling and hope that it would just go away.

That's not how it works.

You see, for the longest time Ive dealt with anger and shame simply reflecting the fact that I am not perfect.

A very wise person was telling me just last night that its a daily struggle. That we aren't just going to wake up one morning and suddenly have complete victory over sin. That some days we are gonna succeed, but some days we are gonna fail and fall right back to the place we never meant to be. But when that happens you can't stay down. You have to get back up and you have to keep pushing forward.

The only real failure is when you lay waiting in your failure.

No one is coming to rescue you. No one is going to make you get up and move forward.

Its up to you, and its up to me to stop beating ourselves up over the past or even the present and move on.

Because you see, its been easy for me to blame my failures on circumstances, on others... but when it comes down to it, the only person I can blame is me... and that is a tough pill to swallow.

The Bible says to be careful when you think you are strong, because its in those cocky moments when we think we have it all together that we typically fall flat on our faces.

So own up to your mistakes. Deal with it. Talk, cry, scream, write, pray... whatever. Realize that your flesh is weak and may fail from time to time.

But God will never fail you.

We have the power to be more than conquerors, even when we refuse to tap into that power.

I am not perfect. And there have been lots of tears coming to terms with this. But I know, that even when I mess up, run away, back down, turn my back, spit in his face, ignore his voice, fail him...

I know he loves me.

And he is holding me, and reminding me that its gonna be OK.

"No weeping no hurt or pain no suffering you hold me now you hold me now"

Thursday, April 7, 2011


"Seek the Kingdom above all else and live righteously and He will give you everything you need" Matthew 6:33

Maybe you have noticed some silence from my end of the social networking... maybe you haven't. For those of you that have, its been exactly ten days. Ten days of no facebook and no twitter.

My biggest reason for this break from the social network was time. I realized just how much time I really do spend facebook and twitter stalking.

I am not against social networking at all, I am actually quite excited to get back to it. But when my social life (real or through the portal of the world wide web) is so time consuming that my time with Jesus is affected, something has to change.

So, I did it. I turned it off, for ten days... that wasn't the original plan. The plan was to make sure I was up to date on my One Year Bible and back in line with my priorities. And I guess ten days is what I needed.

This experience has been crazy. Social networking has become so important in our culture, I felt so out of the loop and i honestly had no idea what was going on in anyone else's life. But, at the same time, I felt so close to God.

So I am not writing this to seem "holy" or to make it appear that I am anything special. Actually I feel quite embarrassed that I even had to take these measures to get back on track spiritually.

But I just want to encourage you to make sure your priorities are lined up. If your behind in your bible reading, turn of the TV. If you can't seem to find time to pray, put away you phone for a while. Lets keep the main things the main things, and continue to change the world together.

What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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