Friday, April 8, 2011

You hold me now

All that I know is I'm breathing, all I can do is keep breathing...

I am far from perfect. Which is astoundingly hard for me to admit.

Ive messed up, made mistakes, sinned far more than I would ever like to own up to.

Owning up to the mistakes Ive made has been one of the hardest things I have had to do.

Ive reasoned with myself that it wasn't that bad. I talked myself in to believing it didn't happen. I convinced myself to repress the thoughts and feeling and hope that it would just go away.

That's not how it works.

You see, for the longest time Ive dealt with anger and shame simply reflecting the fact that I am not perfect.

A very wise person was telling me just last night that its a daily struggle. That we aren't just going to wake up one morning and suddenly have complete victory over sin. That some days we are gonna succeed, but some days we are gonna fail and fall right back to the place we never meant to be. But when that happens you can't stay down. You have to get back up and you have to keep pushing forward.

The only real failure is when you lay waiting in your failure.

No one is coming to rescue you. No one is going to make you get up and move forward.

Its up to you, and its up to me to stop beating ourselves up over the past or even the present and move on.

Because you see, its been easy for me to blame my failures on circumstances, on others... but when it comes down to it, the only person I can blame is me... and that is a tough pill to swallow.

The Bible says to be careful when you think you are strong, because its in those cocky moments when we think we have it all together that we typically fall flat on our faces.

So own up to your mistakes. Deal with it. Talk, cry, scream, write, pray... whatever. Realize that your flesh is weak and may fail from time to time.

But God will never fail you.

We have the power to be more than conquerors, even when we refuse to tap into that power.

I am not perfect. And there have been lots of tears coming to terms with this. But I know, that even when I mess up, run away, back down, turn my back, spit in his face, ignore his voice, fail him...

I know he loves me.

And he is holding me, and reminding me that its gonna be OK.

"No weeping no hurt or pain no suffering you hold me now you hold me now"

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What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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