Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Far Far Away

Once upon a time, in a land far far away...

Well, this isn't really a fairy tale, and its not so much about once upon a time as it is the land far far away.

Ever felt far away?

Just in general, from people, from God?

It seems that is the position that I am currently in.

And I know that I isolate myself when it comes to people.

"We hide so we can be found,
we walk away to see who will follow,
we cry to see who will wipe away our tears,
and we let our hearts get broken
to see who will come and fix them,
we stay silent to see who cares what we have to say"

I know that probably sounds dumb, but its just how I deal. I typically don't cling to many people.

I guess when I am dealing I more wait for people to reach out to me, rather than the other way around.

Don't worry too much, I definitely have my people that I go through this crazy time in my life, but I guess what I am saying is don't be too offended if we have fallen a bit out of touch. I don't blame you.

I think the part that I am most worried about, is feeling far away from God.

I know that God is ALWAYS there for me.

I know there is nothing I can do to separate myself from the love of God, because He is always right there.

I know that forgiveness for sin isn't earned, that I receive it when I simply ask.

But this distance I feel is more initiated by me.

Not that I desire to be away from God, but I guess for the first time in my life, I feel so ridiculously undeserving.

I feel like I don't deserve to raise my hands in worship, that I am not worthy enough to even speak his name, let alone speak to him.

Again, I know that this rationality is crazy.

Because in reality, we are all unworthy. Every single one of us.

We are all sinners, and we all fall short from time to time.

Sin separates us from God, not that God separates ourselves from him.

Rather, at some point we allow this gap to form between us... by choosing sin over the path he has chosen for us.

I'm certainly not writing this because I need answers or advice... I know that I need to continue and persevering and working on my relationship with him.

I am writing this, because I feel like at one point or another, we all feel far far away.

We all mess and up, and realize that we are completely undeserving.

But he loved us anyway.

So, continue to push forward.

Never give up.

Because you will never be worthy in yourself.

But its his love for us that makes us new, and makes us worthy.

Without it, we are nothing.

"I'd give it all, I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cause you knowYou know, You know
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I miss you, been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go"

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