Sunday, April 22, 2012


Forgive, sounds good. Forget, I'm not sure I could. They say time heals everything, but I'm still waiting...

I have found myself questioning lately if its possible for anyone to actually be faithful. I mean I understand that people are, but why?

Is faithfulness a direct result of love, commitment, responsibility... Or is faithfulness rather a by product of the lack of opportunity. 

In the right circumstances, can even the strongest men and women remain faithful to the one they love? Or are we all simply animals, subject to our primal urges when the opportunity presents itself. 

I've been cheated on in the past. It sucks. 

Your whole world changes. Its no longer possible to see things through your rose colored glasses. Everything begins to look grey...

You find yourself questioning and doubting everything. Why... I suppose that's the biggest one. Am I not good enough, is she better? Do you not love me, do you love her? Did I do something wrong... did I push you to do this... Did you think about me...  did you feel bad... do you regret it... will you do it again...

I can't give the perspective of a cheater, because well I've never done it... but to be the one cheated one, well I can't remember anything that made me question the world more...

You blame yourself, you blame your significant other, you blame that no good dirty skank he cheated with... You blame everyone, but then again, you still don't have any answers. Because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter whose fault it is... it still hurts.

I think it kind of scars you for life. It has definitely caused some deeply rooted trust issues that I still continuously struggle with. 

How do you forgive, how do you trust, how do you move forward? 

Do relationships mean anything... does love mean anything. What about commitment or integrity or well faithfulness?

It makes me wonder if God experiences this same contemplation...

When we knowingly and willingly choose our own desires over his, those times when we are unfaithful... do you think he wonders of he is enough for you. Do you think he maybe questions if you love him at all, or if you even thought about him or maybe that you might regret what you did.

I think getting cheated on puts a whole new perspective on the relationship between Hosea and Gomer. Its one of my favorite stories. 

I find myself being mad at Gomer. Doesn't she realize how good she had it? How could she keep walking out on a man who loved her and sacrificed for her and would have walked through fire for her?

But when I stop to realize that I am Gomer... that everyday I have a choice to follow the one who loves me unconditionally, or walk out on him yet again... 

Because at some point, we have all been unfaithful in our relationship to Christ.

We have all decided that what we want is more important than his will. 

I guess we are all cheaters. 

I think the important thing is what you do from here. 

People cheat in relationships all the time, and they stay together, they work on their relationship.. they move forward. 

People even stay in relationships with a person who consistently cheats on them because they love the person so much.

I guess my question is what kind of person are you going to be in your relationship with God?

Are you going to be the one who acknowledges your failures and makes an effort to be a better person, or are you going to be the kind of person who just continues to walk out on the one who loves you so much they won't leave you.

No one expects you to be perfect, or to never mess up, or to never be tempted. The important thing is that you try. Is that you put your whole heart and effort into being faithful to the ones you love. Its that you are honest and take responsibility when you mess up and move forward. I think that's what most people want in relationships... and I am pretty for sure that what God wants too. 

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
And I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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