Thursday, September 5, 2013

No regrets?

My struggle as of late, has been a tangle of regret. I know. We aren't supposed to regret things. We are supposed to look at everything as an experience that has brought us closer to the people we are trying to be. No regrets. Look graciously at your past, and be thankful for the mistakes and the hurt. After all, that's what got you here. God bless the broken road right?

Am I the only one that feels like calling bull crap? 

Don't get me wrong, there are many mistakes and a lot of hurt I would make/take all over again. For example, my daughter was not born into the most perfect of circumstances. But I would gladly do it all again to have her in my life. 

I have a lot of regret, and there are very few exceptions to that.

And to be completely honest with you, it bothers me when people live their lives shouting "No regrets". Have you never wronged, hurt, betrayed anyone? Can you really say with full confidence that you are completely content with those past decisions? 

I am not saying you can't make peace with the past, but to say that you don't regret causing someone else pain just seems extremely careless and slightly egotistical in my opinion. 

So yes, I have regrets. Big regrets.

But a lot of what I regret are the chances I didn't take.

In college, I was so afraid of the things Christians warn you about, that I never took any risks, I never made any friends. I went to class and I went home, end of story. Now that everyone is starting back to school, I sometimes wish I had the opportunity to do my freshman year over again. 

My point is, don't let anyone make you feel like less of a person because you have a past of regrets. I have often felt almost un-Christian because of the way I feel about my past. 

When I think of no regrets, I think about my future. While I can't go back and change the things about my past that I regret, I can learn to live my life forward. I can choose to make everyday something noteworthy. I will always have past regrets, but I can learn from those mistakes. I can take those things that I am not so proud of and try to make myself a better tomorrow. 

If I knew then what I know now...

I would have tried harder, I would have been more outspoken, I would have said no, I would have made a bigger deal out of some things, and smaller deal out of others. I would have apologized sooner. I would have taken more risks, made more friends, made more memories. 

But I can't. I can't go back. I can't erase the hurt. 

But I have hope for my future. Isn't that all we really need? Hope... 

So here is to taking more risks and being proud of the years to come!

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What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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