Friday, January 31, 2014


I once heard someone say, that if there is something you can't go a day without, then you are addicted. 

And I truly believe that our addictions aren't necessarily bad things, but things that have casually taken such strong holds in our lives that we don't even realize that we are addicted. 

Things like social media. I mean, can we survive a whole day without knowing every thought everyone we know has? Is it possible not to pick up our phones to twitter stalk and Facebook creep everytime we are bored? Honestly, it's almost like a natural reaction for me sometimes. I'll pick up my phone to so something productive, and before you know it, twitter is up, and I can't remember why I picked up my phone in the first place. 

And maybe it's not social media. Maybe it's something like a glass of wine, or television or exercise. Things that are all good and fine in moderation. But things that can slowly begin to destroy us without us even realizing we are addicted. 

And maybe you know that as you are reading this, you are addicted to something much more destructive than anything I've mentioned. 

It's time to take action. 

I'm not saying delete your Facebook account, but for some of you that might actually be wise. 

I'm saying pick a day or two or three to prove that whatever you are addicted to doesn't have power over you. Commit to spending less time doing those things, like me picking up my phone when I'm bored. 

1 Corinthians 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.”

Just because something isn't illegal, it doesn't mean it's good for you. 

You are strong enough to overcome the subtle addictions and the ones that you are very aware hold you back. Start today! Get help if you need to. But stop being a slave to insignificant things. We weren't created to let things become a master over us. 

I really want to hear from you. Is there anything in your life that maybe you've realized recently or through this post that you are addicted to? Email me, write in the comments, whatever. I want to encourage and pray for you! 

Thursday, January 30, 2014

It's not you, It's me

My big sister and I were having a discussion the other day about people leaving the church (not about certain people leaving the church about people in general who leave the church, calm down).

She told me about a time when she was in church and she no longer felt God, that she wasn't getting anything out of the messages, and going to a church was chore rather than something to be excited about.

I think we have all probably been there at one point in our lives. But for many, this is the point where they say it's time to move one to another place where they can be in God's presence and where they can actually get something out of the message.

This is the most condescending and arrogant thing I believe anyone can do. To imply or even flat out state that you don't feel God's presence, suggests that God's presence isn't there. To claim that not getting anything out of the message is your reason for moving on, means that you feel as if you spiritually superior to what that church is trying to accomplish.

It's not me, it's you..

I get it if you just don't like the style of a church, or maybe if they are completely missing the mark... great find somewhere else that plays the music that puts you in the mood to get your worship on, the pastor who preaches in a style that helps you stay connected. 

But you need to realize that if you are stating reasons such as God's presence and getting fed spiritually, it's time consider that something might be wrong with you... it's most likely the condition of your own heart that is preventing you from receiving what God has. I assure you God is there (where two or three are gathered), but maybe you stopped looking for him.

We may get a point where we look for God in ways so specific that we being to limit the ways in which he can speak to us. 

God is there, but you won't find what you aren't looking for and you won't find it if you are looking for it in the wrong places. 

If church no longer inspires you or speaks to you, maybe it's time to consider that it's not the place or the people, but you that needs to experience change. 

God can be found in the simplest of things... a laugh, a lyric, a hug, a smile... you just have to open your eyes and look for him.

It's time to say "It's not you, it's me"

It's time to be honest with yourself. Because if this is they way you feel, I can almost promise you that eventually, you will feel the same about a new place.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


I'm sorry to break it to you, but I have some of the best friends in the entire world!
It's true. 

I have friends that call me up on a Monday and ask me to go to lunch. I have friends that text me to see how I am doing. I have friends that come to me for advice. I have friends that try to include me in their plans. I have friends that I haven't talked to in nearly a year and a half that I can still spend hours with on the phone. I have friends that snapchat/facetime/voxer me and keep up with my life. I have all these awesome friends who read my blog! 

I have friends all over the country. I have friends that respect me when I don't feel like talking, but are there no matter what. I have friends that pray for me. I have friends that encourage me and speak life over me. I have friends that I can laugh with and cry with and absolutely be myself with. 

Really, this post is just to brag about how awesome the awesome people in my life are. I couldn't make it through the things I am going through without you in my life. 

I hope that you have those friends. The ones that maybe you don't see everyday, but you know when you see them its like no time has passed. It is not in God's plan for us to live our lives alone. He desires for us to have community and friendship.

Galatians 6:2 "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Maybe you don't feel like you have those people in your life right now, and honestly up until pretty recently I felt the same. I felt like even my close friends were far too busy for my situations. But what they say is true, in order to have a friend, you must first be a friend. So I worked on the friendships I have, and I branched out to people I wasn't as close to. It's amazing how God brings the exact people in your life that you need. Like a lifelong best friend that would defend you to the death, or a newer friend that is experiencing heartache as well. 

Be a friend today. Remind those you love that you love them. Pray for your friends, and pray that God would help you to be a better friend.

Why? Well, because friendship is cheaper than therapy! 

Thanks to all my amazing friends. I can't imagine life without you. 

Tuesday, January 28, 2014


"Every time I come around you're ready for the letdown"

Has anyone ever let you down?

I'm talking about a massive let down, like one of your best friends blowing you off for your sweet 16 let down (totally happened).

You know, the moment when you realize you've poured your heart into someone that hasn't returned the favor. 

The moment you've spent hours upon hours working towards a goal, only to fail.

I hate being disappointed. I hate that feeling when you've tried so hard, only to realize that your efforts were in vain. 

"People are going to disappoint you, I get that... I kind of expect that, but what if you wake up one day and you realize that you are the disappointment."

When I think of the people who have let me down over the course of my life, I can't help but to think about the people that I've let down as well.

Who have I failed? 

Who put their trust into me, only to have it tarnished?

Who looked up to me, only to see me fall?

We've all been let down, but doesn't that give you determination not to let others down?

Doesn't the pain you feel from disappointment, give you the encouragement to be a better you so as not to disappoint others? Honestly, typically no. Not for me anyways. This is a whole new concept for me... Rather than focusing on my hurt, turning the situation around to improve myself. 

It goes back to yesterday's blog, and not being able to change anyone but yourself. People are going to disappoint me. But maybe, just maybe I can try to live my life in such a way that I am not someone else's disappointment. 

1 Corinthians 8:9 "But you must be careful so that your freedom does not cause others with a weaker conscience to stumble."

It's the times when I have lived my life selfishly that I have become a disappointment to others. Times when I have let someone else down that I have become a stumbling block. 

Maybe today you've been disappointed by someone you care about. I challenge you to turn your hurt into motivation. Focus on being an example rather than a stumbling block for someone else. 

Disappointment is part of life, but maybe we can ease the pain of disappointment in the world be refusing to be the disappointment. 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Not my Circus

"Not my monkeys, not my circus"

I have a serious issue with thinking lot of things are my business that really aren't. Not in like a nosey way... if there is any other way. 

But honestly, I think its because I care. Too much sometimes. 

Like when I see people not living up to their potential, well I want to hit them over the head! 

When I hear of people hurting others, I take it personally as well.

But this branches way out into things that I shouldn't let concern me, and people who have chosen not to be part of my life. 

I put up safe guards, I promise myself that I am not going to social media stalk, I promise myself I am not going to care, and I try to convince myself that this is the way its going to be and I need to start accepting reality... and the something comes along and hits me like a ton of bricks and all of a sudden I'm crying, and texting my friend about how upset I am, and getting myself all worked up over a situation that in reality has nothing to do with me, and contemplating murder (seriously just kidding about the last one... seriously).

I have to come to the realization that the only person I can change is me. I can try to be a light and an influence, but I cant force, beg, manipulate, or guilt someone else into changing. 

How I react to situations should be a greater concern of mine than the situation itself. But I fail at this... big time. 

But I am still learning. I can care about people, without getting caught up in people, and that's where I need to learn to draw the line. 

I care that you are making stupid decisions, but they are your stupid decisions to make, and I am not going to lose sleep over them anymore... 

Because well... its not my monkeys and its not my circus. 

1 Thessalonians 4:11- "Make it your goal, to lead a quiet life, minding your own business..."

Honestly, this made me laugh out loud. I googled a scripture about minding your own business, and who knew it actually existed. God is pretty cool sometimes.

But the reality is, that I am far from perfect, and getting caught up in someone else's drama isn't making me a better person or getting me in any way shape or form closer to God. 

Maybe I'm the only one that struggles with this... and maybe today's blog is just for me. And maybe not. 

But I have my own circus to attend to, and my own little monkey to take care of... and that's going to be my focus. 

Friday, January 24, 2014

Great Expectations

"Hope is our four letter word" -One Republic

We've been told to lower our standards, because they are far too high and no one can live up to them. 

We've been told to lower our expectations, because with high expectations comes the risk of being disappointed. 

We've been told to be realistic. 

We've been told to play it safe. 

And maybe not directly and maybe not intentionally, we've been told not to hope. 

But why should I lower my standards simply because there are a lot of jerks in the world? Shouldn't I instead hold out for someone who is willing to rise to the occasion? 

And why should I live with the fear of being diasappointed? Everyone gets let down at some point, but is that any reason not to have great expectations?

"People will kill you over time and how they will do it is with tiny little phrases like 'be realistic'"

"Just what makes that little old ant think he'll move a rubber tree plant... He's got high hopes"

I really and truly believe that you will never fully enjoy life by lower your expectations and playing it safe. 

Yes, it's risky to hope, but without hope we might as well be dead. 

Maybe I will never accomplish everything I intend to accomplish in this life, but by golly I'm gonna go out with a bang and die trying. 

It's ok to guard your heart, but don't become so guarded that you refuse to believe that your best is still yet to come. 

Realists may not get hurt, but I can gaurantee they won't change the world either.  

Plan for the best, prepare for the worst, and take what God chooses to send. 

"For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience"-Romans 8:24-25

Thursday, January 23, 2014

New Dream

(me and live dreaming)

"You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream."

I am 26 years old, and I am finding that some of the dreams that I had for my life aren't working out. 


When you've put so much time and faith and effort into something, and it comes to an end... well it's rather difficult. 

I have spent so much time in prayer, but I have come to realize that just because that a specific plan or dream isn't coming to pass, doesn't mean that God doesn't have something amazing planned.

Realize that God's plans are better than your dreams. 

It's difficult to let go of something, and we don't understand sometimes why things or people are taken from us. 

Begin to ask God for a new dream to take root in your heart. Start working towards something new. Start praying for the future God has planned, not just the one you hoped for. 

And if you find yourself in a place of broken dreams, I believe that God can exchange them for something better. 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Today, I would love to hear from you. What verse (or verses) reminds you of God's promises and God's plan? 

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Heart Broken

"Dear God, help me to put aside the things that are breaking my heart, to pray about the things that break yours"

Let's be honest... This quote smack anyone in the face? Well it just so happened to slap me in the face, punch me in the stomach, and then pants me in front of the whole school. 

I have been so consumed with my own issues lately, that I've literally had no time to concern myself with anyone else's problems. How completely selfish and arrogant I have been!

It's not that I don't believe God is concerned with the condition of my heart, but it seems that the condition of my heart has caused me to be less concerned with the matters of God's heart. 

Is God not big enough to not only heal me of my brokenness but simultaneously give me the strength and compassion to offer someone else hope? Have I limited God by solely focusing on myself instead of asking God to direct my focus? 

I am not saying that God doesn't allow us time to heal when we are broken, but I have started to become convicted that it's time to start allowing my heart to be broken for a higher purpose, rather than the temporary problems of this world. 

"Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything I am for Your kingdom's cause"

Maybe, just maybe, by allowing God to break my heart, somewhere in the midst I will find healing.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever" Psalm 73:26

Tuesday, January 21, 2014


"I worry, I wonder all the time why worry? It's killing me. Forget about it."

I am a worrier. I get it honest I do believe. 

It's the worst at night when I am trying to fall asleep, or when I wake up at 3:00am. 

The thing about my worries is that its such dumb stuff I worry about. I can't stop worry about remembering to grab my text book in the morning, or the fact that I need to get gas before I drop off Olivia. See? Dumb.

These aren't life and death things that should be keeping me up at night. But still, I worry. 

Are you a worrier? Can I tell you something that absolutely changed me? Its going to sound so simple, but keeping a notebook next to my bed has made such a difference for my worrying little self. 

When I sit there and can't stop thinking about turning off the gas stove before I leave in the morning, I write it down. When I am wide awake thinking about feeding the cat, I write it down. I get it out of my head and onto paper to deal with when I am awake. 

I bet you thought it was going to be something more spiritual huh? Writing it down is just part of the process, praying that God would give me peace when my mind seems to be racing has made all the difference in the world. 

I worry because I don't compartmentalize well. When you post those grotesque pictures of babies that have been abused on Facebook, I can't sleep at night (seriously, please stop). When I am dealing with things, sometimes I just don't know where to file it away. 

But God didn't create me to worry. He created me to be compassionate, but he desires for me to give all my worries to him. Even if it's just remembering to feed the cat. 

Maybe you have big worries when you lay your head down at night. I am telling you, write it down to think about later, then give it to God and go to sleep! God is so much bigger than your worries, no matter how big or small. 

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

Monday, January 20, 2014


"The only way to overcome writers block is to write anyway"

It is an odd day for me that I find inspiration in short supply. I can typically find inspiration in the simplest of things. But as I sit to write, to say something of meaning, I can't recall having been inspired or moved the last few days.

I could write about my annoyance with people who act as if a slight bump in the road is the absolute end of the world.

I could write about the things in life I find unfair, such as how a lot of awesome people can't have children and losers can.

I could always write about Olivia and what crazy things she is teaching me about life, love, and how to be a mom.

And at some point, I will probably write about all those things

But to be honest... writing is scary.

It requires me to be vulnerable and real and well inspiring even when I don't feel like it.

And some days, like today, I just feel emotionally drained and its quite difficult to spill much of anything onto a piece of paper. 

But still I write? Why? Because I committed to doing so. Because sometimes I fear that my words will completely dry up, and when I sit down nothing will come out. Because the only way to get passed the uninspiring days is to reach deep down and attempt to inspire anyway.

I say all this to say, this morning may not be your morning. You just may not be feeling it... push through it. Something amazing is waiting on the other side of not giving up, so don't give up! 

Be kind, be hopeful, be gentle, be bold, and be inspiring today! You never know who will decide to keep trying because you didn't give up because of something as silly as not feeling inspiring.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

Friday, January 17, 2014

Judge not

Let him without sin cast the first stone...

I try to never write as an accuser. I try not to write about things I am not or have not dealt with personally. I never want to come off as cocky or arrogant. I don't think I am better than anyone else.

But I have. In the past... I have placed my own self on a pedastal, somewhat unintentionally, and used that platform to condescend and look down on others.

I think most people who judge others, typically don't realize they are doing it. I assume most people don't see themselves as judgmental, at least I didn't.

We all have the things we hide from the world, the secrets, the ugly we wish no one would have to see.

But every now and then, those things rise to the surface and the things we work so hard to keep hidden, are suddenly center stage and in the spotlight.

Its quite uncomfortable really, when everyone knows your flaws and short comings.

And I don't blame people for judging, because its something we all do, even unintentionally.

Its the way our minds work, we are constantly trying to put things into catergories. Good/bad. Right/wrong. Yes/no. Left/right. Acceptable/unacceptable... and in the process we place things and actions and even people in these categories and we subconsciously label them. Its just the way it works.

I guess I've learned the important thing is not so much whether or not you label, the important thing is how you react.

Because while you can't help but categorize things in your mind, you can help how you treat people.

I think when its all said and done, the important thing will be how we reacted to our convictions. We can judge and condemn and condescend, or we can choose to love and inspire.

People rarely change because you tell them to.

Change comes from inspiration and encouragement.

Judging others does not define who they are. It defines who you are.

"For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that world might be saved through him." John 3:17

If God didn't send his own son to cast judgment and condemnation, what makes you think that is what he desires of us? 

Trust me, I am most definitely still a work in progress, but I had to realize that I will never make a difference in the world by labeling it, and neither will you.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Another School shooting?

"These tragedies must end." -Barack Obama

I really don't watch television hardly at all, and I never watch the news. So unless someone is talking about it on Facebook or they mention it on the radio on my way into work, I probably have no idea what is going on in the world. 

So yesterday morning when I heard the news of the school shooting that occurred in New Mexico this week, my heart was broken. 

Didn't we just have a school shooting last month? It got me questioning how often do these occur. If you have time check out
I know Wikipedia isn't exactly a reliable source, but this list will shock you. 

It's children and teenagers and adults who make the decision that the day would be best served ending the lives of others. Yesterday, the shooter was 12 years old. And the youngest school shooter was a mere 6 years old. 

Virginia Tech, Sandy hook, Columbine... to name a few. 

"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives, or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men to war... Hoping for their safe return... But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

Don't let your hearts and minds become desensitized to these tragedies. Just because no one died in the shooting this week, does that mean that #PrayersForRoswell shouldn't be trending? Do you think the kids who experienced this won't be traumatized, that the boy who committed this crime wasn't seriously broken and disturbed. 

When a school shooting doesn't qualify as a massacre, do we even care? Maybe care is the wrong... but does it cut to your core the same way it did when you hear about Columbine? 

I didn't think so. 

At what point did children learn that a gun can solve their problems. That revenge is the answer.

We need to teach our children to love... no just by telling them, but by actually loving. I don't people who fill love and hope commit such crimes.

I wrote this after the Boston Marathon bombing. Check it out for more details on how I believe you can personally prevent another tragedy.

I believe it's time to make stand. And I don't have all the answers. But I do have one... love.

Pray for Roswell, and for the schools in your area... these tragedies must end. Murderers getting so much media exposure. Children dying so young.

I will finish today's blog with a quote, that was not in fact by Morgan Freeman (in case you mistakenly heard it was).

“It’s because of the way the media reports it. Turn on the news and see how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris are household names, but do you know the name of a single 'victim' of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basement see the news and want to top it by doing something worse and going out in a memorable way. Why a grade school? Why children? Because he’ll be remembered as a horrible monster instead of a sad nobody. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you’ve just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or maternity ward next. You can help by forgetting you ever read this man’s name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news.”

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Sink or Soar

It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old

ways, but it's that place in between that we fear… It's like being
between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's
nothing to hold on to...

I bet flying would be scary. Soaring through the air, with no safety belts or rip cords... just you the sky... the ground.

What if, you suddenly forgot how to fly. Or you got hit in the head by a bird and rendered unconscious.

Flying, although exhilarating, could quite possibly be the most terrifying thing there is.

There are no certainties, no back up plans, no securities, and most certainly no restraints.

That's the thing about life. It is not meant to be lived in your plastic bubble protecting you from the elements.

Life is meant to be experienced. But we fail to experience life when we are too busy holding on to the things that weigh us down. 

A tethered hot air balloon may get off the ground, but its anything but free. Hot air balloons are meant to soar high in the sky... and so are you.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

If you never let go, you will never fly. If you never take the opportunity to trust the Lord in the midst of your trials, you will never see that amazing things he has planned for you.

Sink or soar... it's time to let go.

THANK YOU so much for reading my blog. It means so much to be able to send emails out everyday and to hear your responses. I am glad to announce that there will be giveaway announced tomorrow, but specifically for my email readers! So if you want the chance to win, email me at to sign up!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Resolution Fail

I heard somewhere that the majority of people will break their New Year's Resolutions by mid-January. If that's the case... the majority of us have already failed. 

We committed to going to the gym, and we went... the first week. 

We committed to stop smoking, and we did... for a day.

 We resolved to have a daily quiet time, and we have... most days. 

I am sure that most of us relate to letting ourselves down. And some of us have resolved to stop making resolutions, since they never work out anyway.

And maybe you are a go-getter, and every single year you commit to doing something, you do it... well then you should stop reading, because this blog is not for you!

This blog is for the procrastinators and the failures. 

I think its a crucial to your New Year to make plans and have dreams and decide for yourself how you want your year to go. That is what a resolution should be, planning and hoping and persevering, not simply getting by. 

So I have come up with some practical steps to get back on the bandwagon.

Write them down
How can you keep up with all the big life changes you are gonna make this year, unless you put it in writing? Make a note on your phone, put it on a bulletin board at your house, keep it in your planner... whatever works for you. And check things off! Learning to knit is on of my resolutions, and as soon as this scarf is done (be it ever so terrible) you bet believe I am crossing that sucker off the list. 

Make a Plan
You can have a New Year's goal to lose 50lbs, but if you don't have a plan, it probably won't happen. Andy Stanley said, "Direction not intention determines your destination." You can intend to reach your goals all your want, but until you come up with a plan and begin to work towards it, it is pointless. 

Get Accountability
Having someone or something that holds you accountable for your resolutions is by far the best way to keep your resolutions. Maybe you and a friend both want to read through the bible in a year. How about you text each other and make sure you are staying on top of it? There are also apps and websites that can help you. is a nifty site where you can commit to something for 100 days, learning something new, loosing weight... whatever. You make a short video everyday to keep yourself accountable. The resources are out there, you just have to use them.

Start Over
Maybe you are part of the majority and you have already failed. Don't give up! Mistakes are part of life. Don't think you have to wait until next year to try again. You don't need a New Year to make a change, all you need is a new day. 

Philippians 3:12-15
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you."

Don't give up. Keep working towards your goals. This can be your best year yet!

Monday, January 13, 2014

A case of the Mondays

Raise your hand if you love Monday....

Yeah, that's what I thought. Nobody loves Monday. Monday steals our weekend. Monday makes us go back to school or work. Monday doesn't let us sleep in. Monday makes us regret watching Netflix til 2am. Monday makes us realize that after we hit the snooze button a few too many times, that you are late on your blog post (but that probably just me).

Monday has gotten a bad reputation, because well, we love our weekends! We love sleeping in and not having to go to work... right? 

We dread Monday all weekend, sometimes I have completely ruined my sunday, because I was so busy dreading monday. 

But I think each and every day is what you make of it. If you dread it, it probably will be terrible. But what would happen if you choose to look forward to the day? To not succumb to the power that Monday holds over you? What if we treated Monday with the expectations of Friday?

"I know today is Monday and you assume it's gonna suck, but according to statistics there will be over 5,000 weddings, 10,000 childbirths, and 42 million hugs occurring across the United States. There will be at least 4 people who win multi million dollar lotteries and 600 people who get a promotion at work. There will also be 600 dogs adopted 35,000 balloons sold, and 800,000 skittles eaten. The word I love you will be said over 9 million times. I know it's Monday, and you assume it's gone suck. But go ahead and smile, because according to statistics today should actually be a really nice day."

There is always a silver lining, always something good that happens over the course of the day. Let's look for the positive in Monday's, and maybe we can change Monday's reputation. 

And maybe, we will all have a really great day. 

Friday, January 10, 2014


"I was thinking over thinking, because there's just too many scenarios. To analyze, look in my eyes. If you're my dream please come true"- Relient K

I was talking to one of my lovely friends the other day, who was asking for advice. She concluded on her own that maybe she was just over thinking... You and me both girl!

This is most likely one of my greatest weaknesses, and it has caused me to miss a lot of opportunities.

For example, on New Year's Eve, I met Michael Tait from DC Talk at a Kroger. WHAT!?!?! But I didn't even tell him I knew who he was, or ask for a picture or anything. I think I was nervous he wasn't who I thought he was... or something... but my over thinking caused me to hesitate, and I immediately regretted not asking for a pic when we walked away.

How many times do I not say what I need to, because I am afraid? How many times do I not take an opportunity simply because I spend far too much time weighing the options?
I will probably always bee the girl who analyzes and infers things... I am pretty sure I am genetically predispositioned to do so.

I think part of being an overthinker is fear and worry about the outcome. We see too many variables, too many bad situations, embarrassment, hurt...

How can I seize the day, if I have to make a pro and con list for everything I do? The answer is I can't. The answer is, you have to find a happy medium. There is definitely something to be said for being cautious and 
guarding your heart. But we guard our hearts so closely we never live at all...

Philippians 4 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Give your pro and con list to God. When you are analyzing, tell him your worries and troubles. Because I find that many times, I get myself completely worked up over nothing. 

When need to find peace in the knowledge that God is in control. When I spend my time letting worry and fear debilitate me... I am not putting faith into what God has planned... I am putting faith into my own abilities. 

It's OK to want to think things through, but don't allow that to cause you to miss opportunities.

If I can truly put my trust in God, then I should have peace knowing that the outcome will be amazing.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Meaning in the Mediocre

Just Monday I was challenging everyone to seize the day, and its only Thursday and i'm already talking about the mediocre. 
Because, well that's life. I love my job, but I am not excited to get up and go everyday... because well sometimes work is boring, and I would much rather stay at home and watch Netflix, or go to the gym, or maybe do some laundry (so exciting I know). The daily grind gets to all of us I suppose... 

It's not that we don't enjoy what we do, I think it is really just the monotony sometimes. However I read a quote the other day that really inspired me (BTW, I love quotes). 

"The maid who sweeps her kitchen is doing the will of God just as much as the monk who prays -- not because she may sing a Christian hymn as she sweeps but because God loves clean floors. The Christian shoemaker does his Christian duty not by putting little crosses on the shoes, but by making good shoes, because God is interested in good craftsmanship." | Martin Luther

I know that I constantly forget that I am supposed to do everything as if I am doing to the Lord... why? Because God genuinely cares about you and your work. He cares about that report you turned in on time, that student that you helped to finally get it, those phone calls you answer, the customers you serve. 

Whatever it is that you do, decide today not to get caught up in 9-5 of life. Decide that your work is important, and that you should do as if you were doing it for the Lord. I imagine if we truly do this, our days won't seem quite so monotonous. 

Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men. 
-Colossians 3:23

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

The Victim

Something I am personally struggling with lately, is women who constantly play the victim. I know I know... just a few weeks ago, I was pouring my heart out about my desire to be taken care of... Isn't that the same thing?

Absolutely not.

I know, we all go through hard times, but I find it extremely difficult to deal with women who act as if the sky is falling constantly.

But some women, in their desire to be cared for, become devastated and broken because their 2nd cousins, uncle's, grandpa's, brother's dog is having surgery. Ok, that was a little extreme, but I seriously find myself rolling my eyes sometimes when I walk in on someone completely broken over a situation that is not even relevant to them.

Part of this is because it's just weird for me, because well pity isn't my thing. And part of this is because I am trying my absolute hardest to keep it together right now when it feels like the world is crashing down and someone is over there devastated over something trivial.

I want to blame these girls that seek attention through circumstances, but I have to realize that the main issue is with me. The main issue is that I have a lot less compassion than I would like to believe that I have. Just because I can be strong, doesn't mean everyone can... its kind of ridiculous that annoys me right?

So while I would love to write this blog with the intent of telling all these girls, suck it up buttercup, I realize that it's my heart that needs to be changed.

Just because I am going through a difficult time, doesn't mean I can downplay or look down on something that someone else sees as a disaster worthy situation. It has been my choice not be pitied, although I have found that I still crave attention if that makes any sense.

I am so far from perfect, and compassion is one of the things I need to pray for and work on, as well as the selfish thinking that my problems are worse than anyone else.

I hope today that you would examine your own heart... maybe God is trying to tell you through this blog that there are things you need to change or ways you need to grow. Maybe you are like me, or maybe its something completely different. But don't blame someone else, that's where I have been stuck at for weeks. If something is annoying you, well it might be annoying, but think and pray about what it is in you that makes that situation so annoying.

I have to realize that I can't change anyone else, but I can change me... and most of the time, when I change me, I see things much differently.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014


In life there are circumstances that are beyond our control. Nothing is worse than being in the midst of something you wish you could change, but simply can't... this blog is not about that. 

It's about the choices you do have. While you may not be able to change your current circumstance (or maybe a future circumstance) you do have the power to control you.

You can choose to fall victim... or you can choose to be victorious. 

Because let's be honest, life is hard sometimes. We wind up somewhere we never intended to be, we get hurt by people who were supposed to love us, we lose jobs, we end up in financial stress, our children are hooligans, our marriages fail, our friends betray us... 

You can't change that... but you don't have to be bitter. Just because you've been thrown a curveball, doesn't mean you have to strike out. 

Wallowing in your bitterness does not work in your favor. The only person bitterness hurts is you. 

You've heard it said the best revenge is living well? Well stop living well for revenge (bitter) and start living well for you! 

It's easy to harden your heart... its easy to become bitter based on your circumstances. Don't take the easy way out. Take the challenges you've been faced with and learn from them and grow from them. Be better because of your trials.

This is the part that takes faith, because its easy to believe that God isn't listening, or that he has forgotten about you. 

''Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." - Deuteronomy 31:6

God is with you in the midst of anything you are going through, he will never leave you. To be better, you have to believe that God is still in control, and that he still has a plan. He doesn't desire for you to live in bitterness and unforgiveness.

Ephsians 4:31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Here are my steps to being better:
1. Pray
2. Forgive
3. let go
4. Move on
5. write down your dreams
6. start living them

Yeah, there are probably a few more steps we all need to take, but you cannot live the life God has planned for you if you remain bound in the chains of bitterness. God has so much more up his sleeve trust me. Bitterness is the easy way out, and you are meant for so much better.

"Bitterness is a result of clinging to negative experiences. It serves you no good and closes the door to your future." -Leon Brown

Monday, January 6, 2014

January 6th, 2014

Carpe the heck out of this Diem

This is what you need to know...

I am 110% a procrastinator. My dishes need to be done, and have needed to be done. I start my first class in over 2 years tomorrow, and I've barely looked at the syllabus.... trust me the list goes on.

More than procrastinating, when I get overwhelmed, I have the tendency to shutdown. Rather than put on my big girl panties and getting things done, I retreat. I wanna hide in my bed and wait for everything to go away... but it doesn't.

The dishes will still be there tomorrow. And so will your problems.

We can't wish things away. We aren't kids anymore (unfortunately). You can't hide or run from your problems... because inevitably it will catch up to you. 

Today I am thinking that we make a list, of all the things we've been avoiding, a closet you need to organize, a friend you need to apologize to, a goal you need to start, a wrong you need to right... And just do it. Maybe not everything today... but start with the closet. Check something off your list. Stop avoiding things. Because the reality is, you could die in your sleep tonight (I know that is extremely morbid). We know this, but we continue to live as if we are immortal. Do you really want to die, and leave that cluttered closet for someone else to clean? Or worse, leave this earth without asking forgiveness for someone you've hurt?

Let go of hurt, try something new, and stop being afraid. I let fear hold me back far too much. 

Ecclesiasted 9 (The Message)

7 Seize life! Eat bread with gusto, Drink wine with a robust heart. Oh yes - God takes pleasure in your pleasure! 8 Dress festively every morning. Don't skimp on colors and scarves. 9 Relish life with the spouse you love Each and every day of your precarious life. Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange For the hard work of staying alive. Make the most of each one! 10 Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily! This is your last and only chance at it, For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed.

This world is full of people who will live their whole lives and not actually live, and I do not intend to be one of them. 

Today is the only January 6th, 2014 you will ever have, make it count. 

Thursday, January 2, 2014

The end

I write best when I write what I know... when it comes from my heart... and today my heart is heavy. 

It is 2014, and everyone seems to be celebrating the chance for new beginnings, while I am still stuck grieving the end. 

I never in my 26 years of life imagined I would be facing divorce. The word itself makes me cringe. 

I have done everything I could think of to do. I have prayed, begged, pleaded, and bargained with God, and he still seems silent.

I hoped when there was no hope. 

I've gone to counseling, read books. 

I have forgiven, when everyone expected me to hold a grudge.

And it still wasn't enough. 

I'm not saying I have been perfect. I have made more than my fair share of mistakes.

But not matter how much I loved and forgave and wanted to just move forward, things didn't change. 

To be honest, I am devastated. When the person you vowed to love for the rest of your life, decides they don't want you for the rest of theirs, how could you not be?

My heart hurts, like physically hurts. I have cried far more than I care to. 

But this is something I will not do, I will not bash the father of my child. He has made his decisions, and while I don't agree with him, he gave me my favorite person in the whole world. So I refuse to air our dirty laundry, or to tell everyone the details of our breaking point. And I won't stop loving him and praying for him. I know that love will develop and change. But love is a choice, and I choose love over hatred and bitterness any day. 

This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to face in my life. But I do not want your pity. Don't look at me with those eyes like you feel sorry for me. It really isn't helpful, just a reminder that indeed my situation is sad. 

I will continue to be graceful. I will continue to become to the woman that God created me to be. I will continue to hold on to the hope of His plan for my life. 

It is the end, a painful and tragic end. But my story is far from over. 

Maybe there is something that is ending in your life as well. Maybe things aren't working out how you planned. 

Letting go and letting God is so much more difficult than many people make it seem. How do you let go when you've been fighting so hard to hold on?

It isn't a simple one time decision. It is waking up this morning and deciding to let go. It is waking up tomorrow and deciding not to pick it up again. And doing that every single morning until picking it up is no longer habit.

I still hope. I'm still praying for a miracle, even if it's not the miracle I wanted. 

My best advice? Pray about it more than you talk about it. Be graceful, even when that's the last thing you want to be. Hold on to hope, but be ready to let go knowing that God's plans are greater than your own. Make plans, and look forward to things. Forgive. Be a better you. And always choose love, because love covers a multitude of sins. 

It is going to be ok... it is going to be more than ok. I know it doesn't feel like it right now. Right now it feels like the whole world might just crumble and fall. 

God knows what he is doing... never forget that. 

The best is yet to come.

What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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