Monday, February 24, 2014

Forget it

I can't even begin to tell you how many times a week, I think to myself "Forget it".
(well, it might be a little more, shall I say, off-color when I say it in my head)

Seriously, some days I am so done. I am done being nice. I am done keeping it all together. I am doing being hopeful. I am done being gracious and classy. I am done being cooperative. I am done being patient. I am done... and I will further reside in my bed and hide until it all goes away.

Some days, that's exactly how I feel. You think its easy for me? You think I always want it to be this way? Sometimes it seems easier for people who freak out and hate and act childish...

Sometimes I want to open up my blog and air all my dirty laundry, because well, that's normal, and somewhere in my mind I wonder if that would be easier... if it would be easier to stop protecting people who don't care a thing about protecting me. If it would be easier to just be selfish for a while.

But then I get a message from someone, who tells me they read my blogs... who tells me that I inspire them and encourage them... they tell me that I am making a difference.

I think about my daughter, and how one day she is going to ask about how all this went down, and I am going to want to be someone she can be proud of, I want to be an example of Christ's love and peace even in difficult situations.

I say all this to say, you are the reason I don't give up. When you comment on my blog, when you send me private messages, when you let me know that this isn't in vain... you make me want to try harder. I don't feel like giving up when you tell me that you are praying for me... when you share your stories and you empathize with me.

You, see none of this is about truth... because I know that God is with me... I know what the scriptures say about being patient about how to treat others. I know...

This is all about feeling and emotion and well probably being a hormonal female! But it's never about how we feel... it's always always always about how we react to how we feel. I can feel like giving up 100 times a day, but what matters is the fact that I don't.

It's all going to work out in the end. But if I give up... I may never get there.

Galatians 6:9 And let us not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up.

3 comments:

  1. I have felt like this MANY times about different things in my life... this weekend actually :) You amaze me Paige. I wish that I was bold/brave enough to be gut wrenchingly honest with people about the way I feel. You write about things everyone deals with in a way that we can all relate, and you do it with tact and grace. I still stand by what I have said since we were teens... I believe that one day you will write a book, you will speak to thousands, and that you are a world changer my friend.

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  2. I agree with Monica 100%!!!! :)
    I remember something Natalie told me a few years ago: she was explaining how she had worked through a lot of things in her own life. She said something like this, "I learned that it is not how I react to things or people or problems, but it is how I choose to respond to them." I remember hearing that and thinking - wow, that is a life-altering statement. It is how we choose to respond, rather than react to things. Like you are saying, it is so much easier to just want to react and blurt out how you feel, or exactly what you are thinking with no filter - but it is definitely the better way to choose to respond to our feelings and emotions and problems and circumstances and people - to make a choice to not be immediate in our reactions. You are so encouraging Paige! I wish that we had a direct line that we could just talk to each other all day, every day, about our days. :) I guess we do kinda have Voxer lol. I love you! Thank you for always being so honest and vulnerable! xoxo

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What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.

 


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