Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Irresistible



Last spring was an extremely difficult period in my life. My marriage was falling apart, and I thought I was being a good wife by hiding that fact. I thought I was protecting my husband and my family by keeping our struggles to ourselves. And to an extent I believe I was, but at this point we weren't even seeking outside help, just dealing with it on our own. Maybe if we were able to be more open with key people in our lives about our struggles things would have worked out differently...
But this blog isn't about the what if's...

In the spring, we attended a conference in Lexington, it was a pretty cool conference, but let's face it, we all wanted to go mainly because Steven Furtick was speaking. 

But interestingly enough, while of course Pastor Furtick's message was amazing... that's not what this blog is about either.

The message that the Pastor of Quest church, Pete Hise, delivered kind of wrecked my world at that moment. 

At this point I was seriously searching for something... anything to motivate the relationship between my husband and I... 

There was a couple who got up and spoke about his infidelity and their separation and their ultimate reconciliation... I was crying and hopeful, and my husband seemed unmoved by this display. 

I was at my wit's end... I had already made up my mind I was not leaving my husband. That regardless of what we had been through or would go through, that I didn't believe I could have lived with myself if I were to quit. 

But I was so shattered... when the one person in the world who is supposed to want you, doesn't... let's just say it felt as if my heart was physically broken. 

I tried to lose weight, to change my hair, get a tan... I thought if maybe I read my bible more or tried to be more encouraging... if I didn't nag or ask too much. But none of this changed anything. 

In the final message of the conference, when we walked into the Sanctuary we were given small pieces of concrete blocks. He had us write on these blocks, and honestly, I can't even remember what we wrote. I can't remember if was something we struggled with or lies we believed... I remember I wrote a couple of things, but I cannot remember what I wrote... 

But at the end of the message, the Pastor encouraged us to trade our rocks for something else. So as we all made our way up front I had already decided to just grab the first rock I saw, cause I wasn't really into this. It had been a long day, and I was tired, and well I was hoping for a miracle, and it didn't seem I was getting one. 

The first rock that popped out at me said "Irresistible", and all of a sudden I start crying like a baby. I hadn't felt wanted in so long, but to read the words irresistible? Me?

I totally believe in God moments, and that was an amazing one. Because while my husband had decided he no longer wanted me, God reminded me that I was irresistible. That he would move mountains to be with me, that he died to give me life. 

And now I know that someday, I won't have to beg another man for attention or try to force someone to want me. That someone out there is going to see all the qualities that God sees in me, and that man is going to find me irresistible. I won't have to compete with other women... or other things. 

Maybe you've been struggling in your marriage, or relationship, or maybe in your singlehood. Know that God finds you irresistible. That you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He wants you, and nothing can change his mind. 

Romans 8:38-39 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.



8 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. It definitely motivates me to hear when other people relate to what I write. Thanks for the comment!

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  2. Thank you Paige! That was beautiful. I think as women in general we need to be reminded of this, I know I do!

    P.S. Sorry I havent commented in a few days. I have been slacking!! They were all wonderful blogs!!!

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    Replies
    1. I agree Monica! And I always hate when I can't comment - because they are always so great!! :)

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    2. I love your all's comments! Definitely inspires me to keep writing!

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  3. Wow, truly touched my heart Paige. I love you so much and am so thankful for your honesty and vulnerability. You are a world changer because you are a people changer! :) Irresistible. What a great word. And what a great Word from God's heart to yours - and now all of ours who read your blog today. xoxo thanks my beautiful friend!

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  4. It broke my heart when you said that you tried changing you appearance to feel wanted. You are so beautiful and shouldnt feel you have to change anything about yourself to feel wanted. He is the one missing out on a beautiful person with an even more beautiful heart who would do anything for anyone. Love and miss you so much boo. Keep your head up<3<3<3Kaitlyn

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    Replies
    1. I miss you girl! We need a Mexican date, ASAP!

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What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.

 


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