Wednesday, August 6, 2014

To everything there is a season...

"I just want to be mad for a while"

I know it isn't Monday (when I typically write my posts for those who aren't aware), but I needed some time to think about this. Honestly, I needed some time to calm down before I wrote something completely rude and hateful and then no one would ever read my blog again. I think I'm calm now... maybe...

I've experienced A LOT lately... and while I am so ridiculously thankful for all the love and support and prayers... this is going to be bit of a rant, so this is your fair warning. 

Over the course of the last few months there have been times when I have been angry. I was angry and frustrated with my aphasia and not being able to express myself the way I wanted to. I've been angry and wanted to cry on more then once occasion because of my hair falling out. And not driving? I love my Mom and she has been great, bet a 26 year old mom needs her independence! 

Can I tell you the most frustrating part? Is that people try to help, and really they make it worse. I know it isn't their intent. I know in their heart of hearts they really are trying to put a positive spin on things. But when my hair looks like this....

Honestly the last thing I want to hear is "At least you're still alive". Don't get me wrong... I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to still be alive. But stop telling me I can't be upset. Stop acting as if I can't cry every once in and a while over my bald head. 

And the driving thing? Come back to me when you are an adult and you aren't allowed to drive for an extended period of time. Again, I know I'm lucky. My parents have been great to take care of my and Liv, and I know not everyone has that. But I want to be in my bed. I want to go to Wal-Mart by myself. Honestly I just want to fill the 4-Runner up with gas and just drive until it runs out. I miss my independence. 

But yet again, I have people making me feel as if its not OK to be upset. Like its wrong and ungrateful of me since I've experienced so  much blessing to be mad about silly things like driving. 

Can I tell you what is helpful? Just a plane "yeah, that sucks". Having your feelings validated sometimes is the most helpful thing someone can do. 

Maybe it's just me... maybe other people want you to help them see the brighter side. 

It's not that I don't see the bright side or that I ever stop being grateful for the blessings. But you know what, sometimes I just need to be made. I am human and I have feelings and I need to cry or yell or be angry. Even if its about silly and insignificant things like not being able to drive. 

I think sometimes we are too quick to offer some helpful or encouraging words, when maybe the person we are offering them to might just need us to be there. It isn't always necessary to offer an inspiring speech... but sometimes simply a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold... or someone to listen to you when you need to vent. 

If you haven't experienced it... try to put yourself in theirs shoes. Try not to offer advice you wouldn't want. If you really want to be there for someone, ask them how they feel, don't just assume and start opening your mouth with what you think about it. 

Sometimes I need to be mad.... last week was one of those weeks. That doesn't mean I'm not grateful or blessed. But I am human and I have feelings and sometimes I have to let those feelings out. 

There are different times in our lives when different feelings or emotions are needed. When different actions are required. That doesn't meant they are wrong. It's just different seasons. 

For everything there is a season,
    a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
    A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
    A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
    A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
    A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
    A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
    A time for war and a time for peace.

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