Tuesday, September 30, 2014

September 30th

It's September 30th...

I honestly hadn't even realized it until I was on the way to work this morning, and they were talking about it being the last day of September.

Two years ago I promised forever to a man who only wanted me temporarily. And regardless of your opinion on the matter, that kind of sucks.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of positive has come through the divorce. I'm not bound by all the stress and hurt and anger anymore. I don't feel crazy anymore. I'm in a much better place emotionally, spiritually, physically... I get all that.

But today is simply a reminder that the future I as planning two years ago is not longer my future.

And I think its OK for me to grieve for that loss for a day. The loss of my forever, the loss of my best friend, the loss of a hand to hold...

Most of my time, I spend realizing that I am fortunate for a God of second chances. That I've been given the opportunity to create something even better than I was dreaming two years ago.

So yes, today makes me a little sad... My daughter won't have her dad at home every night to tuck her in. I don't have someone to come home to and tell about my bad days or the good ones.  And maybe one day I'll get married again and have someone to share my life with, but my daughter will never have what I had growing up. And that makes me sad.

My life is FAR from over... but I hope and pray for the strength to be the mom Olivia needs me to be. To always put her first, and for her to always know that she is deeply loved by her father and I. That she will never feel alone. That she will always know that she is beautiful. And that our mistakes won't cause her pain, but rather be the building blocks for her to be a more amazing person that we ever dreamed of being.

My life is nothing like I thought it would be two years ago... but I hope that next year I'll be saying the same thing about this year... because my best is yet to come.



1 comment:

  1. That is really sad to hear. Some things just tend to take their own paths. You just have to learn to adjust to them, while keeping as much of your life and your whole being intact. Thanks for sharing that part of your life! Wishing you all the best!

    Sandra Walker @ Eric L. Risk, P.C.

    ReplyDelete

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