Monday, October 27, 2014

Is it enough?

If I lose it all, You're enough...

Honesty time. 

I posted lyrics from this song on twitter about a month ago, well because I like the song, and I'd like to think that this is a thought that I too can express. But the more I think about it, the more I can see that statement is very wrong in my life.

For those of you keeping up at home, I've had a bit of a rough year; divorce, stroke, etc...

In many ways I have lost quite a bit this year, far from everything, but still...

I still had so much, but it seemed that through my losses, Jesus wasn't enough. Hear me out...

It's a beautiful thought, but I am ashamed to say that nothing could be further from the truth when I really look at my life. 

What if I never find a man to share my life and change the world with?

What if my health never gets back to 100%?

What if I end up living in my sister's basement for the rest of my life?

What if I lost Olivia?

All of this makes me sick at my stomach just at the thought of them... but lately I have really had to ask my self... If there came a time when I truly lost it all... when everything that is important to me is taken away, if I never received the desires of my heart, or another blessing... would Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for me sins truly be enough? 

I think sometimes Job gets a bad reputation for wanting to die, but honestly if you think about how you would react in your life if you truly lost everything... I can't blame him. 

That doesn't mean I cant hope and pray for the things I love and desire. 

But as completely head over heals as I am for my daughter, I am doing here an extreme disservice as a mother and a Christian example, if I ever let me love for her trump my love for God. 

It's something I am working on... and I promise I haven't got it all figured out. 



I don't want to settle out of fear of being alone, but there have been so many times I have been willing to.

I had to read in front of people yesterday, and I felt like a 1st grader having to really concentrate to make sure I was pronouncing the words correctly.  And there are probably quite a few typos in this, and times I changed the word I was going to use because I just couldn't figure out how to spell it...

It's frustrating... I get very frustrated about all these things...

But God is good, and I know I have so much to be thankful for... I can't focus on what I don't have, or what I may never have.

But that's what I am currently working on, getting to the point in my life where Jesus is truly enough. 

I have to get the point where it isn't just a song I sing or a tweet, but that its truly a way of life. To find my Joy and fulfillment in Jesus, and remember that what he has already done for me, is far more than I deserve. 

So this week, I challenge you to look at your life... Is Jesus really enough? 

2 Corinthians 12:9 "But He said, 'My grace is sufficient for you..."


1 comment:

  1. MMhm. Thank you friend. Thank you for being so raw and honest and pure and transparent. You are so right. Lately I have been really sensing that as Christians, we really do take for granted these blessed lives that we lead (having a roof over our head & heat in the winter, having a family that loves us, having enough food to eat that we are not starving...) And if all were stripped away, is Jesus really enough? <3 This is something I have been thinking about and praying about for a while now...but you just opened my eyes even more. I think it is really about living in a tension between knowing God has dreams laid out for us to see fulfilled and giving us the desires of our hearts & also staying so low, so humble, never forgetting that each day is a gift from the Creator of the universe - the God who breathed us life & His Son who sacrificed himself out of Great Love. I desire to live in the middle of these two great truths - live in the tension of them. It is only possible through the Holy Spirit's help, every day. <3 thanks friend for sharing - I love you!!!!!

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