Monday, April 27, 2015

Starting Over

This may be the most vulnerable blog I have ever written... seriously... this is scarier than writing about my divorce. Here it goes...

I am fat...

No really, looking at a BMI scale I am not just overweight... I am obese. In fact I would have to lose another  several pounds before I am even considered overweight for my height.

I honestly don't remember a time in my life when I didn't feel fat.... especially in high school! Ahhhh.... to be as small as I was when I thought I was fat in high school.

I've always struggled with my weight... mostly because I don't ever consistently continue to try to lose the weight.

I know I am not physically healthy.

I think I have always felt like I carried my weight well... but not these days. These days, I feel like a wale!

This isn't about being skinny.

This is about being comfortable in my own skin.

This is about being a good example to my daughter.

This is about feeling better.

This is about being happier.

It's always an excuse... and as a single mom, I can use a lot of excuses.

But not anymore.

Last year before my stroke, I had lost quite a bit of weight... but after my stroke until now, I have gained it all back.

I could point to all the trauma I have experienced over the past year and all the medications I have had to be on as the reason... but that would just be an excuse. Truth is lack of motivation and a crappy diet are the culprits. 

So I am starting over. Something I don't want to have to keep doing.

I truly believe that God desires for us to take care of our bodies. Why else would the scriptures say our body is a temple? I am not some extremist trying to convince anyone to eat only organic or start a paleo diet (I mean, more power to you if you do). I think there is a balance with food that so many of us struggle with. 

We finish our plates, even when we aren't hungry anymore. We eat when we are bored or lonely. We constantly eat fast food. 

So I am going to eat better. I am going to walk more. I am not going to McDonalds just because I don't feel like cooking. 

The bible tells us to honor God with our bodies. This scripture is typically used to discuss sexual sin, but I think it goes hand in hand with taking care of ourselves. We were given our bodies, and I think God wants us to take care of them, and part of that is learning to be more physically healthy. 

Maybe you are starting over too. Maybe just to be healthier in general, maybe because you foresee some serious health issues ahead if you don't take control. 

This is not my attempt to turn this into a fitness blog... I am still going to write about my life and my kid and all the things God is teaching me. But this was on my heart... this was in my head. And maybe someone else is just as tired as I am of constantly starting over. 

So lets make this the last time we start over. The last time we start from scratch, and work towards being happier and healthier individuals. 

"There are seven days in a week, and tomorrow isn't one of them"

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What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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