Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Me too

The most powerful thing that anyone has ever said to me over this past year...

It hasn't been a scripture verse, even though I love being reminded of scriptures to give me hope. 

It hasn't been someone telling me to keep trying, even though many days I have needed that encouragement. 

It hasn't been the many times people have told me how strong they think I am, even though those words have given  me the courage to keep moving forward.

It hasn't been someone telling me they were praying for me, even though I appreciate those prayers more than I could ever say. 

The most powerful think that anyone has said to me over this past year is simply, me too.

I hurt too.

I mess up too.

I fail too.

I doubt too.

Because sometimes we spend so much time trying to find exactly the right words to say, when all that person needs to hear is for us to say, me too. 

The crazy thing is, this is exactly why God sent his son to earth, to live and experience the same pain and struggles that we experience so that you don't have to pray to a God who simply sits on a throne. You have a God who can say me too! 

Hebrews 4:15 " For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who was tempted as we are, but without sin." 

He experienced temptation, and rejection, and fear, and pain, and so many of the things that we experience every day, so that He can say to you me too...

Don't be afraid to tell someone else that you share in their pain. Don't be afraid to say me too. It might be the most simple thing you could say to make the biggest impact in someone's life. 

Wednesday, June 10, 2015


Yes, I am very aware of the ridiculous amount of editing that this picture has received. 

I did this one day after viewing several middle age moms who edit their Facebook pictures. Some I found were so over the top that I didn't even recognize the person when I saw them in real life. 

What kind of message is this sending, especially from moms?

To our girls, who are already living in world full of photo-shopped models, do we too feel that we have to conform to this image? What does it say to our daughters that we can't post a picture of ourselves without erasing the wrinkles? Is this promoting self confidence and self worth, or are we helping to sell the lie of perfection? 

And to our boys, are we helping to contribute to their beliefs in a false standard of beauty, one that no one can live up to? 

I am only 27 years old, and I have wrinkles on my forehead. I get bags under my eyes. I have lots of freckles and moles. 

I don't think there is anything wrong with  trying to be healthier or putting on makeup. I think the problem occurs when we are presenting a false perception of ourselves. 

If I am so insecure in myself that I can't even post a picture without editing it, how am I ever going to raise my daughter with confidence and self-esteem? 

Dear Olivia, 

You are not perfect, and nether is your mommy, but that is perfectly OK! You are however fearfully and wonderfully made. Before I ever dreamed of having a little girl, God was dreaming of you. 

Unfortunately, you live in a world where sex sells, and photo shopped images of women in barely there ensembles has become the norm. Don't buy into it. God has so much more planned for you in your life than showing off your body. 

I honestly believe that you are beautiful and smart and talented, but I have been a young girl too, and I know there are days when you might not feel any of those things. Even in my adulthood, I struggle with days when I feel as if I am not enough. But baby girl, we are. Not because we are anything special, but because we are God's creations. 

So here is my promise to you, I will never let my own self-confidence get so drained that I project that lack of self-confidence on to you. I promise to always tell you that you are enough and that you are God's beautiful creation. 

You  are going to Change the world.... Mommy loves you all the world Olivia Quinn... to the moon and back. 

Let's raise our daughters with confidence and our sons with realistic expectations of beauty. Let's give them something different than what the world is giving them. Let's be confident in our imperfect selves. 

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

To the person I hate

To the person I hate,

You know who you are. You know what you did. You know why I hate you. But there are a few things you may not know...

I get physically sick every time I see you. I get nauseated and I start to have a mini panic attack. 

I feel as if you don't see how wrong you were. Yes, there was an apology, but their seems to be a lack of continual remorse on your part. It happened, we should move on right? But what you fail to see is that I have to live with the consequences of your actions every single day, even if you don't. I am not over it. 

You aren't the first person to hurt me, and I am positive you won't be the last. But it was different with you, because you knew me, you knew my family, and you chose to act in a completely selfish manor with complete disregard as to how your actions would affect anyone but yourself. You got what you wanted, and I was left to try to mend the broken pieces that would never be put back together. 

Some people say that time heals all wounds, but I don't really think that's true. Time has come and gone and it still hurts just like the first day. 

I know and understand that HATE isn't something you should have in your heart as a Christian, but it's honestly not something I know how to control. 

I have sought counseling on this subject. I have prayed. I have read books. I just honestly don't know how to let it go. 

But I need you to know I am trying. 

I need you to know that I want to let it go. 

I want to forgive you.

I don't want to desire to smash your face in when I see you. 

I look forward to the day when I see you and I can offer a smile, instead of trying to avoid eye contact. 

Let's be clear, I do not want to be your friend. I have no desire to have long chats or any discussion at all really. But here is what I do hope for.

I hope that you have learned from you bad decisions, and that you choose to live your life with more careful thought as to how your actions affect those around you. 

I hope that you have made peace with God, because regardless of my pain, his forgiveness is something you need to seek as well. 

And I hope that someday I can look at you doing well in life and not feel anger towards you, but rather to be the one to wish you well in all you do.  

That day is not today, and most likely won't be tomorrow. It's a process that I am continuously working on. 

But I have come to the realization that you and I have something in common. We are both sinners in desperate need of a savior. Jesus died for your sin just as he died for mine. Neither of us deserve forgiveness, but God has extended it to us anyway. 

I still hate you, but I need you to know I am trying, and maybe even by getting my feelings out in this blog, I've been able to dial it down to despise, and maybe then a simple dislike. 

But I am trying, I am really trying. 

What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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