Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Bad Moms

So recently some girl friends and I had a moms night out. What a much needed fun night. We had dinner and talked and saw a movie... Bad Moms.

Now before you start to write me off because I watched this movie, yes I know it was raunchy and inappropriate. It was also funny.. judge me. I will not be adding it to my video collection, but I would be lying if I said I didn't laugh. The point of this blog is not to debate the holiness, or lack thereof when it comes to this movie.

Basically in the movie, there are moms we are made to feel as if they are bad moms because they don't quite live up to societies ideas for what good moms should do. And mom guilt is such a real thing.

But honestly, 99% of the time, I don't feel like a bad mom. Maybe that's narcissistic of me. But hear me out.

I mess up as a mom plenty. I don't think that 99% of the time I do a perfect job. I am saying, that I have learned to stop trying to live up to some impossible standard of motherhood.

Some days our houses are messy and we are running late so dinner comes from McDonald's.

That doesn't make you or I a bad mom. That makes us human.

If you are doing the best you can with you have, then I think you are a great mom.

Maybe you have had to restart the washing machine 3 times, because you kept forgetting to put it in the dryer.

Maybe you let your kids have ice cream for dinner.

Maybe some other mom gets up and makes a hot, homemade breakfast for her kids every morning, and you kids are eating a pop tart in the car on the way to school.

This is that mantra I want you start saying when you feel as if you aren't doing motherhood as well as some others:

Wanna know why I think I'm doing pretty well at being a mom? Because I stopped trying to be perfect. I stopped comparing myself to mothers who seem like they have it all together, because I guarantee they struggle with some of the same mom doubt you do.

God has given you the tools that you need to be a fantastic mom.

Love you kids and love yourself and do you best.

Maybe in the eyes of some, I'm not a great mom, and that is OK. I can tell you this: My kid will never have to question if she is loved, because I probably tell her about 100 times a day. I tell her she is smart and kind and beautiful, because she is, and because that is the kind of woman I want her to become. I want her to be confident in herself, and I think that confidence begins with moms who can instill that into their children.

And on the 1% of the days when I am certain I am screwing it up, I have to say to myself: I will hold myself to a standard of grace not perfection.

Ephesians 4:7 But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Join my Team!

A trend I've noticed on social media is the multitude of my friends who are involved in some sort of multi-level marketing business. Forewarning, if this is you, this blog is not about you... not specifically. It isn't my aim to offend.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with a friend making some extra income selling skin care, or makeup, or things to make people skinny. Kudos to you! I myself tried my hand at it, and quickly decided that selling is not my forte.

There are only two times I get really bothered... the first is when random people add me or try to message me to try to sell me something. Chances are if I don't know you, I don't want any. Thanks!

The other time I get annoyed is when my facebook friend, is no longer my facebook friend, because my friend has now transformed into a business. I no longer see pictures of family or an anecdote of their day. Instead I am bombarded with purchasing the product they are selling or joining their team to begin selling said product.

I have friends who do an amazing job of balancing their selling posts with real life posts not aimed at getting me to buy something.

NEWS FLASH: I didn't become your social media friend to hear about your business. I became your friend because I enjoy hearing about your life... and its OK that your business is part of that!

A bigger issue of focusing your social media 100% on your business is this: I wonder how the world might change if people were as excited about Jesus as they are their multi-level marketing business?

Yeah I know, I probably lost a few friends after that statement. I didn't write it to make anyone angry, but rather to open everyone's eyes. I want Jesus shining bright through me at every opportunity... especially in my social media. Why? Because I personally have 1,300 facebook friends (maybe less after people read this). When in my ever day life do I have the opportunity to share Jesus with 1,300 people? Umm... like never.

Promoting your business on social media isn't wrong or sinful and that is not the message I am trying to get across. My point is that anything that we put before God, is a stumbling block. I know, you love God more than whatever you are selling... but does everyone else know that? Are you using this platform simply to make money, or do you equally use it to promote Jesus?

Living our lives and letting our actions do the talking is a great way for people to see and know that we are different, but not the only way.

Romans 10:14 But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?

This is the team we should all be promoting first and foremost.

This team may not pay your bills for you, but it comes with eternal life... so it's a pretty great team to be part of.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

30 is the New Black

By the time this blog is publicly posted, I will only have 382 days left on earth as a 20 something. 

Holy cannoli.

Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving... this is the saying I most commonly associate with turning 30 (bonus points if you know what movie that's from). 

I am not one of those people who has ever dreaded getting older. I love my birthday! Now I may not love every single thing that comes with getting older, but to me a birthday is almost like New Years. You have a whole new year at this new age, and the next year is what you make of it. 

Now, I am not gonna lie to you, 30 is a little intimidating. Why? Well I am not exactly where I thought I'd be at in my life at this point. Not that my life is bad by any means, but there are certain things I thought I would have done or would have accomplished by now. 

My first thought is to have a midnight hour cram session where I do and accomplish everything I thought I would in the next 382 days....

Then I decided if I haven't completed this list in the first nearly 29 years of my life, what on earth would give me the idea that I could do it in 382 days?

So I am proposing something a little less drastic than completing it all, and a lot less depressing than a long list of unfinished goals: 

1 goal at a time. 

Probably not as deep or profound as you were expecting. 

If I dive head first into my list of goals I'm probably going to kill myself, or at the very least get overwhelmed and want to quit by day 2. 

My point is, 382 days from now I can still have a long list of things that are yet to be completed. But maybe, just maybe, at the very list I can have a handful of things checked off. 

Do we still want to be in the exact same place a year from now, or do we want to see growth and accomplishment? Everyone would say growth and accomplishment, but what steps are we taking to get there? It isn't just going to happen. You have to make a game plan. You have to do the work. 

30, 57, 82? Doesn't matter your age, the message is the same. You will never again be as young as you are right now. 

My 30's could very well be the best years of my life. They could also be the worst. It's up to me.

I think I'll choose thirty, flirty, and thriving!

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Finding Myself

Honestly, I am a 28 year old single mom and I have no idea who I am.

Maybe that sounds weird to you... or maybe without me even going into much explanation you feel the same.

I used to be better acquainted with myself... and then I became a mom... and the person I was became consumed by this other being. I was a mom... what else did I need to be?

Fast forward to today... My kid is seriously amazing, and I can’t believe I get to be that amazing kids mother. Being a mom has changed my life, but not always for the better.

What a terrible thing to say right? That being a mother has affected my life negatively. Being a mom is amazing, but I allowed it to define me in such a way I no longer knew who I was as an individual. The question I hate the most is when someone asks what I like to do for fun (which when you are in the dating world is pretty much like one of the first 5 questions someone is going to ask you). Ummm... Does watching Paw Patrol and going to bed at 8:30 count as fun? I mean do I do things for fun? Do I do things for me?

I do things I have to do. I do the laundry. I pay bills. I go to work. And sometimes, when all that is done, and the kid is fed, the animals are cared for and my house is cleaned, well if I'm really lucky I get a nap. Naps are fun right?

Somewhere in these last four year of becoming a mom, getting divorced, and having a stroke I stopped doing things for me.

Want to know the worst part? That on the very rare occasion that I do make the point to do something just for myself, I feel guilty.

Guilty because there are things that need to be done, because there are more important things I could spend the money on, and because I'm already away from my kid while I'm working, so I feel like a bad mom for getting a babysitter.

I know this is all irrational, but its how I feel.

Being a mom will change you, it has to. You have another human being you have to keep alive. But I don’t think that we have to exchange our motherhood for our individuality.

And then I had an epiphany: Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids.

Now I wish that you could leave this blog and add my name as the author of that quote, but I actually stumbled upon it while cruising through quotes on Pinterest.

I want to be happy, because I want my daughter to be happy. I want her to remember growing up with a mom that smiled and had fun... not someone who just made it through the day doing the things I have to do.

Have to's are part of life. But they shouldn't be your whole life. We should make time to do the things that make us smile and help us to feel a little more whole.

It’s amazing how God created us to be mothers. How our bodies work to make and give birth to a baby. That maternal instinct that we as mothers would do anything to keep our babies safe. We were created to do this. 

However, I don’t think just because God created us to have babies, means he wanted us to forget who he created us to be in the first place. God has placed desires and dreams inside of you. Motherhood can sometimes make us forget the dreams in our heart. Maybe they seem less important, or maybe they seem unrealistic now that we have a kid in tow. 

So this is my challenge to you... and to myself: Make a list, it doesn't have to be a long list it could just be a few things that you don't seem to do at all or as often since you've become a mom. Maybe it's reading a book, or going to a movie, or spending time with girl friends. Make a list and make it a priority to start doing some of those things.. Maybe there isn't time every day, but I feel like this is desperately needed in my life.

I don't want my daughter to ever feel like she is a reason that I stopped doing things that make me happy. We can have kids, be great moms, and still make time for things that make us feel like people. You are a mom, but you are also a whole person apart from your kids.

I think finding joy in life is so much easier when we make time for the things that bring us joy. My daughter is definitely one of the main things that brings me joy, but not the only thing. And that is OK! 

So I am going to do more for myself, so that I can be a happier person, and in turn a better mom. And maybe I'll soon be able to come up with a better answer when someone asks, "what do you do for fun?"

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

I hate her

Wanna know something I say a lot about my little sister?

I hate her.

I mean just look at her and her husband, and that stud also known as my nephew. They are such a beautiful couple they just make you sick right? They should be on magazines. 

I show people these pictures, and tell them I hate my sister because she's so pretty. 

Now, I don't actually hate my sister. I mean, we definitely have our sister moments, but I know that at the end of the day there isn't anything we wouldn't do for each other. 

But this is something we as women do sometimes. We look at other people, and we hate and envy because they have something we desire. Maybe it's their looks, or their jobs, or their amazing metabolisms. We look at other women, and instead of valuing that person for who they are, we instead take the opportunity to remind ourselves about the things we don't have. The things that we think will make us happy. 

My sister is an amazingly beautiful person. But there is something we need to realize when start comparing ourselves to other women. 

Another woman's beauty is not the absence of your own. 

Another woman's strength is not the absence of your own. 

When I look at what another woman has, am I simply being jealous, or have I grown to a place where I can realize that I have my own kind of beautiful.

That while there are so many amazing women in this world, there is not one else that has my experiences and no one else who can do exactly what I do. 

We sometimes spend too much time seeking after perfection, whether it be to have the perfect body, to be the perfect wife, to be the perfect mom... We spend far too much time comparing ourselves and not nearly enough time valuing our individuality. Chances are, if you already feel incomplete, the ideal weight isn't going to make you whole. Our own insecurities and emptiness is what causes us to compare. The only reason you hate her is because you allow something she has to magnify the hole you have inside you. 

We have holes sometimes because we try to fill them with things that were never meant to fill us. Food, or starving our selves, or relationships, or our children, or a plethora of things. There is a God shaped hole that only He can fill. And until we learn to fill this part of ourselves with God, we will never feel complete, and we will never be able to stop hating other women for what they have. 

Because you see, you were created to impact the world in a way that only you can. I can't do the things God created you to do, and you can't do the things God has in store for me. 

When we allow God to fill the parts of us that are lacking, and then we begin to live in His purpose for our lives, we will begin to see how we as women need each other. We need people who are different. We need to work together. We need to support and love each other. 

Real women lift each other up... I don't know about you, but I am excited about that things that we women can do to make a difference in the world. I'm ready, who's with me?

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

The Bathroom Conundrum

I started this post by presenting some of my views on the situation, but then it started to feel a little like I was just adding to the noise. So I deleted it, and rather than simply stating my view, I decide instead to turn to scripture for some insight on dealing with this situation. 

As Christians, we try our best to live by what we are taught in the Bible. I understand that the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin, I understand that the Bible talks about how men shouldn't dress like women... I study my Bible too. So while I'm sure many can find scriptures to justify their actions, please allow me to maybe help to give another view of this situation. 

Proverbs 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situations, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Have you prayed about it, as much as you've posted on Facebook about it? I understand that we live in a scary world, and we should all most certainly be on the look out for dangers. But my bible tells me not to be anxious about anything, and I believe the very unlikely possibility of a creeper being in our bathroom is covered in that verse as well. We all have fears, but when we fear, prayer should be our first line of defense. If this bathroom issue is something that is causing you to lose sleep at night, I highly encourage you to bring your fear to Jesus. Peace is possible, even in a situation you don't agree with. 

John 3:17, "For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." If the son of God didn't come to cast judgement, why is it OK for you or I to do so? Scripture is pretty clear about various sins, but it seems that we as Christians kind of pick some topics to focus on. Judging someone who is living a sinful life and trying to throw scripture at them is probably not going to do anything but make them angry. The Bible also tells us we need to take care of our own sins, before we start trying to point out anyone else's. I am not saying that anyone is wrong in their beliefs, but some people might need to take a second look at how they present their beliefs. Are we helping or hurting? Are we spreading a message of hate or love?

John 13:15, "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." I don't think people are trying to be hateful, but our intolerance and judgment can give off a hateful vibe. When Jesus was on earth, he interacted with sinners, ate dinner with them and befriended them. Like in the story of Zacchaeus, Jesus didn't condemn him, he just wanted to come spend time with him at his house. Zacchaus knew he was messed up, but the love and forgiving nature of Jesus caused him to desire change. Stop fearing sinners. Love is what the world needs. I believe that most people know what we as Christians believe. How awesome would it be to see the change you can make in someone's life just by showing them the love of Christ that is in you? Love will change the world. Not homophobia, not anyone's conservative views... love. 

I am not saying anyone is wrong for not liking these issues, but what bothers me is people who want to post on facebook about it with no further actions. If these situations bother you as much as you say, start praying about it, mail your government officials about it, and for goodness sake do research and become educated about it. It drives me crazy when someone takes a firm stance on a subject when they make no attempt to understand the situation and have no intentions to actually make a difference. It's time to stop simply complaining to your facebook friends and to actually do something about it.  

The world is a crazy scary place sometimes. You need to know that God is still in control. God is not surprised or caught off guard by the bathroom situation. I've read the bible to the end, always remember that in the end God wins. 

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Whats next?

I feel like I've been in a rut.

I get into a place of momentum and excitement and accomplishment... and then things start to feel familiar and comfortable.

I feel like as a female comfort is something I crave in many ways.

Sure we all want to lead an exciting life, but there are some things I like just the way they are. Maybe not even current situations, but my ideas of the future. I kind of have this idea of how things should go, and well I'm pretty comfortable with it.

I feel as if I've grown so much over the last couple of years. Things I thought I couldn't live without, suddenly aren't the most important things on my list. I'm OK when my plans don't go as planned (after I have a good pout about it and get over it).

But what then? Things aren't how I thought they would be. So what's next?

I think I got into a place where I unintentionally became the damsel in distress just waiting for something or someone to come along and point me in the right direction. And instead of coming up with a plan B, I guess I've been guilty of doing nothing.

Nothing should be horrible and frightening, but its been oddly comfortable.

Nothing is the worst. It's so much worse than doing something and falling flat on your face in the process. Now that would be uncomfortable. Sometimes that is exactly what happens when we do something. We fail.

Have I been so afraid of being unsuccessful that I have stopped moving forward?

I am crazy proud of myself in many ways for my accomplishments in the past couple of years.

But I've been so indecisive about whats next for me.

I mean there are literally so many directions I could go from here, so many things to become my new focus.

I think I lost myself for a while, as a former wife and mother. My life wasn't really about me at all, and since my divorce I still don't feel as if I've gotten that back. There are things that I love to do that I have't done in literally years. Things change when you become a mom, and I pour my heart into my amazing kid, but I don't believe that being a mom has to come at the cost of being who you are as a person.

Am I rambling? Sorry about that.

I guess when trying to make the decision of what door to open next, I neglected to do one very important thing. Pray. Not saying I haven't prayed, but I don't think I've been praying specifically about the direction my life should take from here. Because there are so many things to think about, being a single mom I have to take that into account sometimes. But prayer is where I need to start my focus. Maybe God won't send a neon flashing sign (but hey you never know he might!). Maybe it will just be a feeling of peace. Maybe doors that are open will close, and maybe doors that I never even thought of will begin to open.
I don't now exactly how this will change things, but I know that I have to. I have to stop making pros and cons instead of seeking God's face.
Maybe you feel stuck too... maybe we can move forward together.
I know right now, my first next steps are bringing my options to God instead of fighting for control. My other next step is going to be doing more things that make me happy in an attempt to find who I am.
I know God has more planned for me than the life I've been living. Change is coming.
Philippians 3:12-14 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.  No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

What is Paigerific? I’m glad you asked, although I don’t have an exact definition to offer. Paigerific is my thoughts and my heart. Paigerific is my passion and my fear. Paigerific is my success and my failures. Paigerific is my blood, sweat, and tears. Paigerific is more than just simply word. It’s a million different words all rolled into one. Words like hope, grace, determination, imperfection, love, faith, insecurity… The one word I would use to describe myself? I am Paigerific.


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